Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This Old House: CTU Los Angeles

Between Season 6 and 7 (about a span of 4 years in the world of "24") CTU was disbanded by the Federal Government. A whole arm of government bureaucracy was left abandoned. What was left behind remains unknown... until now!

KEVIN O'CONNER: Hi everybody, welcome to this week's episode of "This Old House." We're in Los Angeles overseeing the renovation of some commercial office space that was once the headquarters for the Counter Terrorist Unit. If these walls could talk, I imagine they would be screaming out in agony. Let's see how Norm's making out...

NORM ABRAM: Hi Kevin, boy we really got our work cut out for us here. We got Tommy doing the duct work after we lost Rich and his subcontractors to some strange illness. They started bleeding from their eyeballs and they choked on their own vomit.

KEVIN: I guess they weren't wearing their safety goggles!

NORM: That's right, always do a job with the right tools. So, as you can see here, I'm using this leftover office furniture as material for a Grandfather clock that we'll place in the main sitting area. It will be a classic New England design with a Shaker-Mission influence. Hopefully these occasional explosions won't throw us off schedule.

KEVIN: Be sure to put on a fresh flannel shirt before our next segment. I'm gonna go check on Tom....

(Moments later)

TOM SILVA: Jesus Christ, Kevin, what have you got us mixed up with?

KEVIN: I take it the ducts are not going well?

TOM: If you call inhaling Syntox nerve gas "not going well" then yeah it's wicked terrible here.

KEVIN: Will this put us behind schedule?

TOM: Nah, not at all! We'll get rid of the corpses and hazardous material like we always do. In the meantime, let's talk weatherstripping.

KEVIN: Alright, what have you got?

TOM: This is an exciting new material that just came out on the market last year. It's biodegradable but guaranteed to last for 100 years-- cutting edge stuff and made in America!

KEVIN: Tommy, what's that under the desk?

TOM: Oh crap, its a fat, dead guy. (sigh)

KEVIN: Alright, let's check back with Norm!

(Back at the main floor)

NORM: As you can see, a unique touch like this transforms a dark, death-ridden hell-hole into a warm common area. And this clock is well-calibrated to count off 24 hours accurately, time and again.

KEVIN: Join us next week when we check the plumbing systems in CTU, which are guaranteed to be full of surprises.


Amy Vernon said...

You've outdone yourself, m'dear. Brilliant.

TheJackSack said...

Thank you, ya Tyrant ;)

Is that not the saddest looking cat ever? Maybe the cat Christian Bale almost killed in "American Psycho" wins the prize, but that poor kitty... you can't help but laugh. Just don't ask me where I found that pic.

Anonymous said...

"If you call inhaling Syntox nerve gas "not going well" then yeah it's wicked terrible here."

Hahahahaha. Your mind is a frightening thing.

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