Co-creator and Executive Producer Joel Surnow is no longer working on "24" according to the Hollywood Reporter. Longtime showrunner Howard Gordon will remain.
All I can say is thank you to Joel Surnow. You've introduced hacksaws, bleeping clocks and manpurses into my life. Good job, man.
Showing posts with label Joel Surnow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joel Surnow. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, December 10, 2007
Curb Your Terrorism
Another lost concept for "24" found in Joel Surnow's trash-- a takeoff of the HBO comedy series "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (apologies to Larry David):
INT. KOSHER DELI. AFTERNOON.
Jack Bauer and Tony Almeida are eating lunch at a table as the scene begins. They are already talking.
JACK (looking at Tony's face)
I gotta ask you something.
TONY
What is it?
JACK (motioning with his hand)
What's with that thing on your face?
TONY
What, I got food on my face?
JACK
No, I'm talking about that thing on your chin. What do they call that?
TONY
Hair?
JACK
Yeah, I know it's hair. But there's a name for it. What is that called?
TONY
A patch?
JACK
That's it! A soulpatch! (silence) What's with that?
TONY
It's how I grow my facial hair. What's the big deal?
JACK
No, it's not how you grow your hair, it's how you trim it! See, you grow hair all over your face. You happen to be a pretty hairy guy.
TONY
I don't know where this is going.
JACK
Yeah, me neither.
TONY
Alright, since we're asking questions, what's with that purse?
JACK
This? (holds up The Jack Sack™) This isn't a purse, it's a messenger bag.
TONY
You're making a fashion statement. It happens to be a pretty feminine one as far as I can tell. But my soulpatch is a million times more manly than your purse.
JACK
No, no, no! This is not a fashion statement, it's a government-issued utility bag. I didn't grow it. I didn't go to a store and pick it out.
TONY
I don't know, Jack. It's got all the makings of a purse. And you're the only guy at C.T.U.that carries that thing around. I bet you could carry a lot of feminine hygiene products in that thing.
JACK
Yeah? Well I bet I could! Huh? See, I could carry a few tampons in here, maybe a few gossip magazines, right? I should probably empty out the C-4 and concussion grenades first, though, right? (mutters) At least I don't look like Cheech Marin.
TONY
I heard that.
JACK
I know!
(cue tuba music)
END OF SCENE.
INT. KOSHER DELI. AFTERNOON.Jack Bauer and Tony Almeida are eating lunch at a table as the scene begins. They are already talking.
JACK (looking at Tony's face)
I gotta ask you something.
TONY
What is it?
JACK (motioning with his hand)
What's with that thing on your face?
TONY
What, I got food on my face?
JACK
No, I'm talking about that thing on your chin. What do they call that?
TONY
Hair?
JACK
Yeah, I know it's hair. But there's a name for it. What is that called?
TONY
A patch?
JACK
That's it! A soulpatch! (silence) What's with that?
TONY
It's how I grow my facial hair. What's the big deal?
JACK
No, it's not how you grow your hair, it's how you trim it! See, you grow hair all over your face. You happen to be a pretty hairy guy.
TONY
I don't know where this is going.
JACK
Yeah, me neither.
TONY
Alright, since we're asking questions, what's with that purse?
JACK
This? (holds up The Jack Sack™) This isn't a purse, it's a messenger bag.
TONY
You're making a fashion statement. It happens to be a pretty feminine one as far as I can tell. But my soulpatch is a million times more manly than your purse.
JACK
No, no, no! This is not a fashion statement, it's a government-issued utility bag. I didn't grow it. I didn't go to a store and pick it out.
TONY
I don't know, Jack. It's got all the makings of a purse. And you're the only guy at C.T.U.that carries that thing around. I bet you could carry a lot of feminine hygiene products in that thing.
JACK
Yeah? Well I bet I could! Huh? See, I could carry a few tampons in here, maybe a few gossip magazines, right? I should probably empty out the C-4 and concussion grenades first, though, right? (mutters) At least I don't look like Cheech Marin.
TONY
I heard that.
JACK
I know!
(cue tuba music)
END OF SCENE.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Joel Surnow's Trash: Rejected Plot Ideas For Season 7
The writer's strike has paralyzed the entertainment industry, including a little show we follow at this site called "24." Out of boredom (criminal mischief) we recently rummaged through Executive Producer Joel Surnow's trashbin and uncovered various notes concerning the show's upcoming seventh season. Here are a few ideas that didn't make it to the set:
1. Jack Bauer no longer uses weapons! So, this sounds like a pretty good idea, right? I could get behind a completely vicious brand of violence from Jack, without the aid of firearms or explosives. Well... unfortunately, Joel Surnow's idea was to have Jack "improvise" with regular household items, a la MacGuyver. In one proposed scene, Jack spends thirty minutes reprogramming a universal TV remote to set off a microwave oven that he filled with spoons earlier, to start cooking thus causing sparks to go off, distracting the terrorists. Yeah. Spoons.
2. Edgar is the terrorist. Yeah, before they decided to bring Tony Almeida back from the dead, Joel Surnow had it in his head to revive Edgar Stiles. Edgar, miffed by Chloe's inability to save him from the Sentox nerve gas attack on CTU, swears sweet revenge on his gal-pal and his former employer. As a sidenote, Edgar was able to survive (here comes the fat joke, wait for it, wait for it...) because at the time of the attack, he had a whole loaf of bread lodged in his larynx, which absorbed the toxic gas. When Edgar collapsed, it was from oxygen deprivation. But his above-average saliva capacity quickly "digested" the loaf of bread to allow air back into his system. A day later, Edgar awoke at the local dump (apparently CTU didn't spring for a proper funeral).
3. "The Audrey Raines Show." With several lifetimes of tragedy behind her, Jack's former lady-friend is given a daytime talk show on ABC, following Oprah Winfrey. Show topics include "How to speed up menopause", "What's the best home security system?" and "How to make your nervous ticks cute!" In her "favorite things" episode, Audrey showers her audience with anti-depressants and vodka. Amazingly, she is canceled in the first 5 hours of Day 7.
4. The Bill Buchanan Reality Tour. Unemployed and an ex-con (but pardoned by the new lady President), former CTU honcho Bill Buchanan has written a tell-all book about his ex-wife Karen Hayes-Buchanan and her corrupt cronies at Homeland Security. Bill tries to get a booking on talk shows, but only Audrey Raines' show makes an offer, and then is canceled. Buchanan instead chooses to go to a local supermarket and sell books out from the trunk of his Saab hatchback, drinking Evian, eating beef jerky and cranking Jethro Tull on his stereo. He sells no books over the course of 8 hours.
5. Bringing Corey Feldman and Corey Haim to the show as psychic twins. The two Coreys would have been integral part of the Day 7 plot. When the trail of the terrorists goes cold, Jack reaches out to the twins, former Yugoslavian teens that he met while on his Special Forces mission to kill Victor Drazen in the 1990s (whom he secretly adopted to bring back to the States). The plot thickens when Kim Bauer shows up, looking to reconcile with her father. When the Corey Twins see her, they begin to lose their ability to tap into the psychic realm. Technically, Kim is their sister, but not by any blood relations. While caught up in this moral dilemma, Jack deems them useless and kicks them out of his house, returning to anonymity for another decade.
There are more abandoned plot ideas, stay tuned.
1. Jack Bauer no longer uses weapons! So, this sounds like a pretty good idea, right? I could get behind a completely vicious brand of violence from Jack, without the aid of firearms or explosives. Well... unfortunately, Joel Surnow's idea was to have Jack "improvise" with regular household items, a la MacGuyver. In one proposed scene, Jack spends thirty minutes reprogramming a universal TV remote to set off a microwave oven that he filled with spoons earlier, to start cooking thus causing sparks to go off, distracting the terrorists. Yeah. Spoons.
2. Edgar is the terrorist. Yeah, before they decided to bring Tony Almeida back from the dead, Joel Surnow had it in his head to revive Edgar Stiles. Edgar, miffed by Chloe's inability to save him from the Sentox nerve gas attack on CTU, swears sweet revenge on his gal-pal and his former employer. As a sidenote, Edgar was able to survive (here comes the fat joke, wait for it, wait for it...) because at the time of the attack, he had a whole loaf of bread lodged in his larynx, which absorbed the toxic gas. When Edgar collapsed, it was from oxygen deprivation. But his above-average saliva capacity quickly "digested" the loaf of bread to allow air back into his system. A day later, Edgar awoke at the local dump (apparently CTU didn't spring for a proper funeral).3. "The Audrey Raines Show." With several lifetimes of tragedy behind her, Jack's former lady-friend is given a daytime talk show on ABC, following Oprah Winfrey. Show topics include "How to speed up menopause", "What's the best home security system?" and "How to make your nervous ticks cute!" In her "favorite things" episode, Audrey showers her audience with anti-depressants and vodka. Amazingly, she is canceled in the first 5 hours of Day 7.
4. The Bill Buchanan Reality Tour. Unemployed and an ex-con (but pardoned by the new lady President), former CTU honcho Bill Buchanan has written a tell-all book about his ex-wife Karen Hayes-Buchanan and her corrupt cronies at Homeland Security. Bill tries to get a booking on talk shows, but only Audrey Raines' show makes an offer, and then is canceled. Buchanan instead chooses to go to a local supermarket and sell books out from the trunk of his Saab hatchback, drinking Evian, eating beef jerky and cranking Jethro Tull on his stereo. He sells no books over the course of 8 hours.
5. Bringing Corey Feldman and Corey Haim to the show as psychic twins. The two Coreys would have been integral part of the Day 7 plot. When the trail of the terrorists goes cold, Jack reaches out to the twins, former Yugoslavian teens that he met while on his Special Forces mission to kill Victor Drazen in the 1990s (whom he secretly adopted to bring back to the States). The plot thickens when Kim Bauer shows up, looking to reconcile with her father. When the Corey Twins see her, they begin to lose their ability to tap into the psychic realm. Technically, Kim is their sister, but not by any blood relations. While caught up in this moral dilemma, Jack deems them useless and kicks them out of his house, returning to anonymity for another decade.There are more abandoned plot ideas, stay tuned.
