Sunday, March 30, 2008

And we're back!

Okay, so the DSL outage thing didn't last all of this time, but it did happen along with my being very busy at work (we're talking staying till 1AM a few nights to beat deadlines). Thank you for your patience, and for not burning down my house (Amy).

So, there's nothing new for me to make fun of in 24-land But I have a clip that some seriously unhealthy minds put together spoofing those dreadful Jedi Council scenes from Star Wars Episode I. Just a note, the Yoda stuff seems ridiculously stupid at first, but like an Austin Powers movie, it grows on you as the joke continues. And then, if you're like me, you'll laugh so hard you'll almost choke several times. Seriously, it took me a good ten minutes to finish this 4 minute clip (which is borderline NSFW, by the way). Please, enjoy:

Monday, March 17, 2008

Terrorists Blew Up My DSL Connection

Verizon DSL is offline. I'm writing from a secure location. New Jack Sack is coming once the Verizon people fix the network outage. Stay tuned!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

24 Season 7 News: Nothing's New!

Production for Season 7 of "24" will begin again next month. Hopefully by that time we will get some news on the show. Several days ago we learned that Fox was going to throw us a rather substantial Bauer bone (yeah, bad metaphor) in the form of a 2-hour television movie.

But was that news premature? The folks at the 24 "HQ" blog state that the Hollywood Reporter ran the story before a final deal was done. I'm unclear as to their sources, but if they have inside intel on this, they're not elaborating.

I'm not particularly worried about the movie not happening because there was no denial from FOX or the production team regarding the story. Again, like the headline states: nothing is new!

I'l be putting together something a little more creative hopefully tonight.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Eliot Spitzer: Reaction from The Republic of Uzbekistan!

Hello Whore-mongering Friends!

We joke, of course. We are The Republic of Uzbekistan, we always ready for quick funny!

So, I check my internets to see if I catch any new responses to my profile when I see news report that your Emperor of Newest York has problem getting free sex from his wife. This remind me of your Clinty-President from years ago. And of your Senator who tap dance in toilet seat for male-hugging. I think American wives no like to give you happy!

Boy, I tell you, I have seven wives and is that the truth! But that's why I go and find new wife. Otherwise, I have to go to whore store like your Emperor Spitzy. Pay for bed-time with woman? What's next, pay for used Soviet landmine? Like by cousin Hamza say, Americans can squeeze a ruble out of a Yak's toenail. But we love you! Oh God, please send us some shoes!

When I was out on pidgeon hunt earlier, I think about this problem with American wife. I ask myself "Could I ever pay five thousand American dollars for pleasureness?" And then I realize that same money could pay for new hospital in my coun-try. Or ten previously-owned certified tanks! I take the tanks, of course. What good is hospitals here in Uzbekistan? We can't kill rebels with hospital!

We think you confused about love in America. We see movie "The Break Up" with Vincy Vawn and Skinny Aniston and we wonder why you have big fight about lemons and pool tables. You have so much in stomaches. But you not happy with lemons! You want more! Always with the more! I know, we the same way-- last week I ate a baby vole I find in trash by my house. This was great! I said "I want another vole!" Then I realize I sound like lady on Oprah show, asking for a liposucky. Sure! Oh, Oprah, I eat too much, now I need you to take it out of my hiney! Ah, Americans, so funny!

We think Oprah is the problem. She rule your country and you not see it! Maybe you send Oprah here so we can eat her? Please?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Jack Bauer Interrogating The Dude From "The Big Lebowski"

Yes, I'm having more fun with iMovie! Anyway, the title says it all. Enjoy:

Nice marmot, indeed.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Which 24 Character Are You?

It's a rainy Saturday and I had some time to kill:

Yep. I'm Michelle Dessler. Now, excuse me while I go check myself out in the mirror...

Friday, March 07, 2008

Overheard in CTU

Riffing on the ever-popular site "Overheard in New York," here are a few snippets of things overheard within the confines of CTU Los Angeles:

Security Guy #1: Do you think we have any control over this situation?
Security Guy #2: I don't think you should be existential today.
Security Guy #1: Maybe if we didn't wear red shirts, things would be better.
Security Guy #2: Or maybe we should actually plug in that metal detector, eh?


Guy in Caf: What time did Bauer get to the office today?
Girl in Caf: About 4AM, I think. Why?
Guy in Caf: (looks at watch) Okay, that was about 18 hrs ago. I'm going out. Be back in about 6 hours.
Girl in Caf: What are you-
Guy in Caf: See ya! (leaves)


Guy #1 near Chloe's desk: I can't tell if I want to hit that or not.
Guy #2 near Chloe's desk: Dude! I totally know what you're talking about!
Guy #1 near Chloe's desk: I mean, her face is...
Guy #2 near Chloe's desk: Beautiful, I know!
Guy #1 near Chloe's desk: Wha?


Terrorist #1 underneath CTU: Man, it's like they practically want us to come in underground.
Terrorist #2 underneath CTU: Look, there's a bunch of guns here from the last guys who came through!
Terrorist #1 underneath CTU: Wait a sec. That means they didn't make it out!
Terrorist #2 underneath CTU: Duh, we're terrorists, not bank robbers!
Terrorist #1 underneath CTU: Oh yeah.


Helicopter pilot: Hey, Jack- you don't have anymore hidden relatives left, do you?
Jack Bauer: Why do you ask?
Helicopter pilot: Oh, I'm just trying to figure my odds of survival at the moment.
Jack Bauer: Don't worry-- you're in a helicopter. We don't have the budget to blow this thing up.
Helicopter pilot: Phew.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: "24" To Return Before Season 7 Starts!!!

Oh happy day! The Hollywood Reporter reports that "24" will return this Fall with a 2-hour tv-movie serving as a prequel to Season 7. This is a brilliant and necessary idea. Even though I would have liked an earlier return for Season 7, I'll take this Season 6.5! Thank you, very much!

But the term "tv-movie" conjures up images of Lifetime Television. Is Jack Bauer in a unloving marriage with a man who may have a secret life? Or is Jack working out his image issues from when he was a teenager? Does Jack have an eating disorder? We all know that he never eats, but why? Because he can't eat and wear pants at the same time?

In fact, a quick Google-tron search brought up a "Lifetime Movie Title Generator." Punching in all the relevant data into this site, the title for 24 Season 6.5 should be "My Eating Disorder Came First: The Life of Jack Bauer." Oh man, this could be good!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Meme Scheme Strikes Back: Attack of the Movie Quotes!

Okay, so Mr. Furious has tagged me again(!) with another meme. This one goes to a place that I truly love-- movie quotes. The rules are as follows:

"Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. Leave a comment with your answers. And NO CHEATING (Googling)."
Oh, and most of these quotes have profanity. Enjoy!:

1) Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill. (Amy V!)
2) There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
3) I distrust a man who says "when." If he's got to be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does. (Pretty Rickey)
4) All right, Popeye's here! get your hands on your heads, get off the bar, and get on the wall! (Mr. Furious!)
5) Frank, let's face it, who can trust a cop that won't take money? (Mr. F!)
6) My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.
7) Your country ain't your blood. Remember that. (Haley!)
8) You killed my father, your ass is mine!
9) The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
10) You ain't got a license to kill bookies and today I ain't sellin'. So take your flunky and dangle. (Rickey Henderson!)
11) Look out. Muppets. (2266!)
12) I shoulda been a farmer. (Haley)
13) That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave. (Mr. F again!)
14) I'm talking to all those villains in Missouri. And all those villains down there in Cheyenne. And what I'm saying is there ain't no whore's gold. (Mr. Furious, dude you watch a lot of movies)
15) Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf? (Rickey Henderson again!)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Chuck Norris Responds To Jack Bauer's Ad!

Okay, so I'm getting a little carried away with the iMovie thing. But indulge me one more time with this Hillary Clinton ad business. In our previous post, Jack Bauer made his case for being President. Now, Chuck Norris does the same. Enjoy (and please note my evolving skill with this program!).

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Jack Bauer Political Ad

If you're not into the whole politics thing, here's a little update: there's a race going on for president this year. And it's a close one too. To help make her case for being the "experienced" candidate, Hillary Clinton has gone and made a "red phone" political ad. But really, if this is how we are supposed to choose our presidents, shouldn't the most qualified person be making that case? Sen. Obama? Sen. McCain? No, you know who...

Now that I know how to use iMovie, this place just got a lot more dangerous!