Since Jack Bauer spent 20 months in a Chinese prison, we at The Jack Sack feel it is our duty to pay more attention to the People's Republic of China. Last weekend marked the beginning of the Chinese New Year, namely the Year of the Pig. We regret to report that Chinese Feng Shui experts predict a year of disasters to come. Given Phillip Bauer's love of both pigs and causing disasters, we are forced to agree with these Chinese experts. Therefore, we advise all of you to remain in your homes throughout the day. Don't be a hero. Kick back and watch television, it's good for you. And if you start to doubt that the end is nigh, let me put one little idea out there for you to consider first:
The Year of the Pig has already managed to serve up one disaster by transforming the once-hot Britney Spears into Penny Marshall!
Do you want to end up looking like Penny Marshall too? Consider yourself warned.