Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Leave Politics = Grow an Ugly Beard!

Last night, we got a chance to catch up with Former President and Liar-in-Chief Charles Logan. How does 'ol Chuck look nowadays? Like an adult film producer living in San Fernando Valley, actually. The once dapper, clean-cut conspirator now sports what has become a signature feature for out-of-work politicos- a scraggly, unkempt beard! Let us examine recent examples of this trend in an attempt to better understand why men who once held power tend to fall back on this facial security-hair-blanket for much-needed comfort when they lose power.

Following the 2000 Presidential election, and the drawn-out fight over Florida's final vote count, former Vice President Al Gore went away for a few months to "mend fences" and go into pseudo-seclusion. When he reappeared, Gore looked like a full-grown Yeti. He was never quite stable in my book, but the man gained 40 lbs and grew out his hair in every single place possible. By contrast, Bill Clinton would have ordered a few hookers and moved on from from defeat. Gore, however, lost his remaining marbles and grew himself an ugly beard.

Flash-forward a couple of years later to the capture of Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. Hussein, on the run from Uncle Sam, decided he too would skip all grooming practices since he was out of a job. When he was finally brought into custody after several months of "chillin' wit da peeps," Hussein revealed to the world his version of the "out-of-power" beard. His was white and gray and full-- very impressive in its volume and color variety. Sure, U.S. troops had to check Hussein's beard for any mites, lice, (and weapons of mass destruction) but what skin parasite wouldn't want to live in such a luxurious patch of hair?

While we here at The Jack Sack make fun of these deposed leaders for their poorly executed facial hair, one cannot forget that President Wayne Palmer is IN office and he can't seem to handle a simple goatee! Facial hair is a tricky game. Unless you're a hobo or a Cuban dictator, you're probably not prepared for the consequences of its power. Our advice: Do the smart thing and stay clean-shaven. COPY THAT!


Anonymous said...

You know, though, for some reason the beard works for Logan/Itzin. I don't know why, but it just does.

For Saddam, though, spider holes just aren't a good place for your Mach 3. ;-)

L P said...

Great post. Just...great post.

Anonymous said...

COPY THAT = ROFLMAO hilarious.

Unknown said...

Logan's beard hides his weak chin. We can't see him smirk now.

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