Tuesday, May 26, 2009

24 Season 8: Jack Bauer- This is a Knish


Yo Bauer!

With all the talk of you coming to NYC next season, I figure it's time we start your Big Apple education with something all New Yorkers know and love- the knish. The knish is usually a mashed potato-filled, baked or fried portable treat. In addition to being a delicious snack, a knish has some counter-terror purposes as well:

A knish can be used to subdue an adversary. Throw the knish at any vulnerable spot- the eyes, nose or crotch preferably (it's a hefty little sucker).

A knish can flip over a high-speed vehicle. Place the knish under a wheel of a speeding car and watch that poor sunovabitch wipeout.

A knish can be used as a bomb. The exact ingredients are a mystery to this writer, but imagine a knish exploding all over your face. Hot. Potato. Pain.

A knish can give you street cred. If doesn't matter your ethnicity or what you do for a living- if you're rolling down the street munching on a knish, New Yorkers will give you respect-- you potato-loving badass.

A knish can exhaust your opponent's water supply. You've got a bad guy pinned down, but he's thinking of outlasting you. What do you do? Throw him a knish and watch him flail about uncontrollably when he becomes parched by this moisture-soaking delight. He'll be screaming for Doc Brown's Cream Soda in minutes.

We're just scratching the surface, folks. A knish is the culinary equivalent of duct tape.

12 comments:

Haley said...

Now I feel hungry... and oddly patriotic.

Adam said...

@Haley- anytime Jewish soul-food makes someone feel patriotic, I am pleased. I believe it was Herbert Hoover that promised Americans "A matzoh ball in every pot." That promise didn't go too well, actually...

TONYJUNKIE said...

A knish is, indeed, multi-purpose and most definitely gives you street cred. So does one of those pretzels that you get from a vendor. In fact, if ya let the pretzel sit out for 24 hours, you can club somebody over the head and kill them.

I'd like to see a list of things you'd recommend for Jack to carry in his NY Jack Sack.

Adam said...

That's a fantastic idea, TJ. I am absolutely doing that post- stealing your idea brazenly. I'll be sure to tip my cap though. Keep 'em coming, fellow NYer.

TONYJUNKIE said...

Hahaha. Oh, I'm so happy. Ya don't just go stuffing anything into your Sack when you're headed to the Big Apple. This ain't wussy L.A.

-D-C-D- said...

I've never had tried a knish...damn us Scottish, and our backwards way of life!

...this is the only computer in the country you see, and I had to fight my way through hordes of angry farmers and goblins to get here, so foreign food is obviously out of the question :D

by the way thanks for writing the blog, I always keep up, and it's hilarious as always!

Adam said...

@-D-C-D- The land of Johnny Walker and Sean Connery can't be all that backwards. I do appreciate the amount of bloodshed you had to commit to read my blog. You are a shining example to all of my other readers (you're getting soft, people!).

Thank you for your comments and your loyalty.

Anonymous said...

Adam, what does a Knish taste like? Where can you get one around Times Square?

Adam said...

Your best bet in that neighborhood is the Carnegie Deli which is on 854 7th Ave, at 55th Street (right on the corner). While you're there, get a pastrami on rye w/ mustard.

Now a heads up- there are countless varieties of knishes. I'm partial to the squares, but you go with whatever you think will be tasty.

Let me know what you think!

Adam said...

A knish tastes like mashed potatoes inside. But there are other ingredients which enhance the flavor and texture. Some people put mustard on theirs, I eat mine plain.

tw111 said...

Seriously.... everyone knows that Jack doesn't eat.... probably because there's no time! for bathroom breaks.

jack bauer season 8 leather jacket said...

Such a Nice Moive

Post a Comment