Tuesday, May 26, 2009
With all the talk of you coming to NYC next season, I figure it's time we start your Big Apple education with something all New Yorkers know and love- the knish. The knish is usually a mashed potato-filled, baked or fried portable treat. In addition to being a delicious snack, a knish has some counter-terror purposes as well:
A knish can be used to subdue an adversary. Throw the knish at any vulnerable spot- the eyes, nose or crotch preferably (it's a hefty little sucker).
A knish can flip over a high-speed vehicle. Place the knish under a wheel of a speeding car and watch that poor sunovabitch wipeout.
A knish can be used as a bomb. The exact ingredients are a mystery to this writer, but imagine a knish exploding all over your face. Hot. Potato. Pain.
A knish can give you street cred. If doesn't matter your ethnicity or what you do for a living- if you're rolling down the street munching on a knish, New Yorkers will give you respect-- you potato-loving badass.
A knish can exhaust your opponent's water supply. You've got a bad guy pinned down, but he's thinking of outlasting you. What do you do? Throw him a knish and watch him flail about uncontrollably when he becomes parched by this moisture-soaking delight. He'll be screaming for Doc Brown's Cream Soda in minutes.
We're just scratching the surface, folks. A knish is the culinary equivalent of duct tape.