Tuesday, January 16, 2007

R.I.P. The Black Sack

A eulogy by The Jack Sack

The Black Sack, along with his partner Curtis Manning, died while defending this nation at 9:51AM this morning. I come here before you to honor The Black Sack's service to this nation, and to remember a dear, courageous friend.

The Black Sack and I first met in CTU special training back in 2001. He was a sack's sack all the way. When other sacks thought they couldn't carry their load, The Black Sack was there to lift up their shoulder straps. The Black Sack was an example of professionalism and courage. I remember seeing him carry his first brick of C-4. While we were all scared of the stuff, The Black Sack just smiled and said "Brother, how else are we gonna blow up these terrorists?" He always knew why we were there. And he always knew the risks that went with the job.

When CTU assigned Curtis Manning to work with The Black Sack, things weren't easy from the get-go. Curtis told Bill Buchanan "Hell no am I wearing that man-purse! I'll carry my shit in my leather jacket, like I always do!" The Black Sack was patient and professional, as always. Then one day, Curtis was running a field op in the Port of Los Angeles when he realized that he needed a second tactical team to provide cover fire. To make the call, he reached for his cell phone only to find it had run out of battery power. The backup batteries were in The Black Sack, which he left back at CTU headquarters. Or so he thought.

Nope, The Black Sack brushed aside Curtis' dismissive nature and made his way down to the Port on his own, taking the City bus, an efficient method of transport which I suggest all Los Angelinos use to help alleviate traffic buildups. Anyway, The Black Sack arrived and found Curtis under heavy fire. Without saying a word, the two partners worked together (back-up batteries and extra ammo clips aplenty!) and managed to quell the terrorists and save the day.

And from that day forward, The Black Sack and Curtis Manning were a team. And I remember finally meeting up with The Black Sack again when Jack Bauer rode along with Curtis on the way to take down one of Marwarn's lieutenants. I remember looking over at The Black Sack and him saying to me "Yo, Jack Sack, don't trust these terrorists. Your boy Jack is always giving out immunity. Me and Curtis don't like that. We refuse to carry a written pardon from the President of the United States." Looking back, I should have known that this day would come. The Black Sack never negotiated with the bad guys. I would tell him "We're running out of time! It's not our call to make anyway!" But The Black Sack never saw it that way, he said "A motherfucking terrorist is just that, brother." Maybe that was short-sighted, but the sack was firm in his beliefs, and I respect that.

What else is there to say? I miss The Black Sack's smile, I miss his jokes and I miss seeing him around the office. I used to tease The Black Sack about all the crazy stuff Curtis made him carry around- hand moisturizer, tweezers, and an extra silk shirt. Well, he took all my kidding in stride. He would say back to me "At least I don't carry a heroin kit!" ZING! Yep, Jack is always up to something, that's for sure...

Well, the day isn't over, and we still have a bunch of "motherfucking terrorists" out there causing all sorts of Hell on Earth. While we are mourning the loss of The Black Sack (and a large portion of Los Angeles in that nuke blast), it now falls on us remaining sacks to finish the job. We owe it to The Black Sack's memory to save the day. I'm gonna miss you, brother... DAMMIT!

Vaya con Dios, 'mano. Vaya con Dios.


NDwalters said...

Noooooooooooooooooo! Not the CTU Man Purse! Not the Murse! F-ing writers! Do they know how much crap he can stow in that thing? Spare clips, knives, C-4, his I-pod, etc.....

TheJackSack said...

I'm still waiting for The Jack Sack's official return in Day 6, which the Sack tells me is going to happen for sure. I think Audrey will give Jack his sack back personally!

Anonymous said...

Whatever drugs you're taking, I want some. LOL!!!

TheJackSack said...

Thank you to Blogs4Bauer for including me in this week's Carnival of Bauer!

You guys are awesome.

IBM Lenovo Laptop Battery said...

All I have to say is Verrry Funnnny! But see, there's truth behind every joke :} It's okay though, you got it out in a joking manner, but really hilarious I must say! Plenty of fun and games have I seen lately but this one has really got to my attention. I most certainly want to catch up with anymore articles or blogs you have up, hey, you're one heck of a character! :) enjoy

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