Friday, January 26, 2007

The "other" Jack Sack wishes to speak... (yikes).

In addition to learning of Jack's villainous brother, Graem, last week's episode introduced us to Jack's so-called nephew, Josh. Everyone, including Graem, seems to agree that the kid is probably Jack's (See a preceding scene with Jack's brother and wife, Marilyn: "Honey, remember when you used to shtupp my brother?") Before we speculate on this matter any further, here is a message from an authority on this issue... the "other" Jack Sack...

Let's cut to the chase: the kid is my work.

You know, I would be happy to give you all the details, but my memory is totally shot after that 20-month all-expense paid trip to Hell that some of you know as China... where balls go to die.

But back to this kid situation. I went through some old photos to see if anything would jog my memory and I found this picture which pretty much tells the whole story. Here we have Jack being social and drunk, and me sitting there, bored out of my skin. I asked Jack if I could get some reading light, I was doing a crossword puzzle, and the guy was just drunk enough to oblige. And somehow, when I wasn't looking, he drunk-dialed his sister-in-law, Marilyn and the rest is a mix of Peach Schnapps and Byran Adams tapes. I know the story could be better, but remember that I'm just learning how to function again. And typing was never easy for me, even before China!

Ah, but look at the boy. It's amazing how something so soft and cuddly could come from such a tormented night. Folks, that's the miracle of life!


Rickey said...

Sweet jebus he's got no pants on. Rickey's a little rusty on public indecency laws, but he believes that pants are a must for all social occasions. No wonder Rocco Deluca fired him.

TheJackSack said...

I think the real revelation in this story is that Bauer wears tighty-whiteys. All together, this was the most harrowing article I've ever written.

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