Tuesday, January 30, 2007

DAY 6 Prequel: The Bauer Situation

How did the U.S. get Jack Bauer back from China? To find out, read this overheard conversation between President Wayne Palmer and Jules Winnfield from about two weeks ago.

WAYNE: Jules, we got a situation. I gotta send you to China to take care of some important business for me.

JULES: What kind of business.

WAYNE: Straight delivery. The package is "fragile" if you get my meaning. Drop this briefcase off, take "payment" and come home.

JULES: Hmmm, China. Never been, what can you tell me bout the place?

WAYNE: Well, you know what's the funniest thing about China? It's the little differences.

JULES: Examples?

WAYNE: Well in China you can't express your views openly if they conflict with that of the government. Political dissidents are locked up and-

JULES: Woah, woah, woah. Mr. President, it's Jules you're talking to here, you don't gotta front like some cracker-ass-cracker, ya dig? What shit is goin' down in China that I need to know about?

WAYNE: Alright, I feel ya. So check this shit out- You seen the news, right? Crazy shit is goin' down and I got a gov'ment full of white boys waitin' to die. I ain't got nobody ready to take care of business. Now, I know you been out of the game for a while, walking the earth and shit. But playa, the game is calling you back! Your motherfucking country needs you!

JULES: Well, Mr. President, just tell me- what do they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Beijing?

WAYNE: Son, are you high? Get yoself to China, drop off this here briefcase so they can release back to us the only cracker worth saving up in this bitch.

JULES: Wait a minute. I'm goin' to China to save some white dude? Oh Hell no! Now you know me, Mr. President. When push meets shove, you know I take care of business. But this is some fucked up shit right here.

WAYNE: I've grasped that, Jules. And I'm telling you I'm on the motherfucker. Go to China, drop off the case and bring back Jack Bauer, who will be given to you directly.

JULES: You sending me to get The Bauer?

WAYNE: Feel better?

JULES: Shit Wayne, that's all you had to say!


Rickey said...

Wayne's goatee would never give another man's wife a foot massage. (that made much more sense in my head than it did typed out)

TheJackSack said...

Dude, you're drinking some strong shit! Gimme some! By the way, you and me, we gotta talk some business ourselves. I'm gonna hit you up on the Zone, keep an eye out.

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