Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of Jack and Renee.
This week, Jack is under the watchful "care" of uranium-enriched Ruskies and Renee is coming off of her "Badass Momma" high from the first several episodes. What a turnaround- in one hour, Renee is ready to eat the beating heart of her enemies (to possess their souls!), the next she's all fragile and despondent. Have a drink, sister!
But we kick things off with Dumb and Dumber, Jen-nay's friends who knocked over the evidence locker. What does one do with $120K in scrilla? Dump it at the local nudie bar, of course! (To be honest, I wasn't expecting The Brothers Dim to call their financial advisor straight away either, but come on guys!).
Back with the good guys & girls, it's clear that CTU Director Hastings has chosen... poorly in entrusting the nation's safety with an unstable Renee and a highly portable/bleeding Jack Bauer. Hastings decides to slouch away to his office, ordering his highly fashionable staff to "show me sexy!" on the CTU floor. Oy, we're screwed!
Meanwhile, Jack offers the Ruskies a government bailou- err offer to buy their uranium rods for a hefty sum of $250 million. The Vampire Arms Dealer is not buying Jack's "I'm a little German" routine- but instead of killing Jack outright, the Ruskies decide to "break" Bauer with a little car battery electrocution. All of this happened within the first 11 minutes of the episode. WOW.
As an ebay auction breaks out between Hassan's effeminate, fugitive brother and Jack's "double down" offer, the Russians continue to torture Bauer in the worst possible ways, but these amateurs have no idea what Jack can do while being strung up and electrocuted. Yes, Jack died this way already, and he's not in the mood to put up with that inconvenience today. So, Grandpa Bauer does what he does best- turns Electrocution into Electrocution-ade- and stings his captor with many volts of pain. Bravo, sir. But to kill a Russian sadist, you must use your thighs, as any Bond Girl will tell you. Jack, you're one busy one-man army tonight!
Jack kills a whole lotta Russians once he's free, John McClane style (with no shoes on). I had to check my TV info button to make sure this wasn't an episode from Season 2- Jack is killing bad guys! This episode is restoring my faith in Season 8!
And then something happens which damn near made me fall down. Jack Bauer suggests they offer immunity to the Vampire Russian Boss in exchange for intel on the missing nuclear material, and guess what- Hastings and the President agree with his suggestion. What?! Has the "24"-verse finally wised up? They're deferring to Jack's judgment? I'm hallucinating. I must be!
(NOTE: I am ignoring Dana Walsh going to the strip club- unless Charles Logan walks out of the champagne room looking disheveled, they cannot justify this terrible subplot).
But in the end, this episode was an absolute winner. Jack is in *control* of things. Sure, the nuclear rods/materials/weapons are still on the loose, but that's fine! That's just more people Jack can hunt down next week. And this time, he'll be wearing shoes!
10 comments:
Haha, this one had me cracking up more than usual (the review, that is)! Love the Gone With the Wind photoshop!
Freakin' awesome episode. We don't need to have Jack smoking dudes every hour, but it's quite galvanizing when he goes on a monster-in-the-dark, Uzi-wielding, table-flipping rampage every once in a while.
I thought of Die Hard too, but because of the table-shooting scene. I have expected Sergei to yell "No more table! Where you going PAL?!"
Also, I would have given much to see Logan drunkenly hanging all over and talking to a stripper. "Oh, Martha..."
"It's Nancy!"
"Whatever..."
This was a fantastic episode. When the lights went out in the nightclub, I cheered. Go Jack!
unless Charles Logan walks out of the champagne room looking disheveled
I'd pay to see that.
I can't wait for Blondie to kill the 2 jerks. It's turning into an acceptable sub-plot. Wait. She kills the hometown clown but the sadistic other guy captures her and does all sorts of bad Russki things to her. You know, makes her shower and stuff. That will occupy the bottom quarter screen in the next few episodes.
One word (well...4 letters) - BAMF!
Ah...what a relief it is for the universe to finally make sense - and Jack Bauer to finally kick some major *** - once again. :)
Once again you are genius. Your Charles Logan comment was award winning. And Rhett-Jack Butler's "Frankly I don't give a dammit" was over the top of funny. Yep I'm with you on the hopefulness for the show after this episode.
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Wow, I am new here but love your take on the show. I totally agree that it is about time Jack got down to business, usually he's done loads by now, but all he has really done this season is drive around looking sweaty and worried.That would never have happened under Jon Cassar's leadership! Also, much as I love 24, if they are going to insist on actors looking the same all the way through, they could have at least put Bauer's scars (from his time in a Chinese prison) back on him? Lets hope Jack's action continues, and the two numskulls from down south just pass out for a few (roughly 17) hours from all that booze;). I think the show has been better, but episodes like this one give me some hope.
Kudos Adam, I enjoy reading your blog almost as much as watching 24.I love the movie poster. You've got the best 24 power-point evah!
Adam, you're a fun guy. I like all of your photoshop parodies on 24. But why the hell are there no photoshops with good old Ryan Chappelle? The possibilities are endless. First of all, what season 7 character looks almost exactly like Chappelle? Hm? Got it? Exactly, Alan Wilson! He's like the spitting-image of Chappelle. It's a conspiracy. I'm telling ya. Besides, do we really believe that Chappelle is dead? Heck, maybe Jack missed an artery when he shot him in the head and he's had plastic surgery ever since. Ryan Chappelle was the king pin of sexual innuendo ("I want to be on top of every situation") and the inventor of the "Whatever Jack Bauer does is wrong" rule. He is the godfather of Division/CTU Directors and I demand a photoshop of Ryan Chappelle. If he was still alive, he would show Hastings how to really run CTU. The ghost of Ryan Chappelle is watching over CTU NY, and he doesn't like what he's seeing (i.e. Brian Hastings slouching like the hunchback of Notre Dame). Chappelle's legend lives on.
I'm so not loving season 8 from any other aspect than laughing at how shit it is and the way Renee seems like a cyborg even when she's being emotive. Oh and Jack's German glasses. Hahaaa!
It's like a parody of 24. What's with CTU??!! It's gone from dingy underground cement fortress to tupperware cunt hive!
Jack is coming across like a real pussy right now apart from being stabbed (which has also been sloppily left out of his bare chested scene with the Russians). They better turn up the heat on this bullshit before I flip out and take some innocent lives in disgust.
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