Monday, February 15, 2010
Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of Jack and Renee.
This week, Jack is under the watchful "care" of uranium-enriched Ruskies and Renee is coming off of her "Badass Momma" high from the first several episodes. What a turnaround- in one hour, Renee is ready to eat the beating heart of her enemies (to possess their souls!), the next she's all fragile and despondent. Have a drink, sister!
But we kick things off with Dumb and Dumber, Jen-nay's friends who knocked over the evidence locker. What does one do with $120K in scrilla? Dump it at the local nudie bar, of course! (To be honest, I wasn't expecting The Brothers Dim to call their financial advisor straight away either, but come on guys!).
Back with the good guys & girls, it's clear that CTU Director Hastings has chosen... poorly in entrusting the nation's safety with an unstable Renee and a highly portable/bleeding Jack Bauer. Hastings decides to slouch away to his office, ordering his highly fashionable staff to "show me sexy!" on the CTU floor. Oy, we're screwed!
Meanwhile, Jack offers the Ruskies a government bailou- err offer to buy their uranium rods for a hefty sum of $250 million. The Vampire Arms Dealer is not buying Jack's "I'm a little German" routine- but instead of killing Jack outright, the Ruskies decide to "break" Bauer with a little car battery electrocution. All of this happened within the first 11 minutes of the episode. WOW.
As an ebay auction breaks out between Hassan's effeminate, fugitive brother and Jack's "double down" offer, the Russians continue to torture Bauer in the worst possible ways, but these amateurs have no idea what Jack can do while being strung up and electrocuted. Yes, Jack died this way already, and he's not in the mood to put up with that inconvenience today. So, Grandpa Bauer does what he does best- turns Electrocution into Electrocution-ade- and stings his captor with many volts of pain. Bravo, sir. But to kill a Russian sadist, you must use your thighs, as any Bond Girl will tell you. Jack, you're one busy one-man army tonight!
Jack kills a whole lotta Russians once he's free, John McClane style (with no shoes on). I had to check my TV info button to make sure this wasn't an episode from Season 2- Jack is killing bad guys! This episode is restoring my faith in Season 8!
And then something happens which damn near made me fall down. Jack Bauer suggests they offer immunity to the Vampire Russian Boss in exchange for intel on the missing nuclear material, and guess what- Hastings and the President agree with his suggestion. What?! Has the "24"-verse finally wised up? They're deferring to Jack's judgment? I'm hallucinating. I must be!
(NOTE: I am ignoring Dana Walsh going to the strip club- unless Charles Logan walks out of the champagne room looking disheveled, they cannot justify this terrible subplot).
But in the end, this episode was an absolute winner. Jack is in *control* of things. Sure, the nuclear rods/materials/weapons are still on the loose, but that's fine! That's just more people Jack can hunt down next week. And this time, he'll be wearing shoes!