Greetings, Bower Bag Lovers!
We apologize for not making efforts at communication over last several months. Rebels intruded our love nests and made bandits away with our wives and VHS players. I was on third season of Will & Grace when this happened! What great inconvenience!
I hear over short-wave radio that you have new emperor! You change leaders like wool undergarments in your country. How do you like Emperor Yes-we-can? I think he handsome, walking around your country without shirt. But he is hairless, like Yeti cub! Oh, we mean no offensive by that- we worship him like you! Please send us baily outs out too, right? We have no shoes and our recreational vehicles have no gassy water.
My cousin Hamza tells me there is new device that makes you talk like birds to each other. He read about it in Wired magazine. Twitter is fun, no? Makes me giggle like promiscuous hyena to say word. Twitter! You love your birds and freedom in America! We barely understand your way of life!
I understand that world love new lady, Susan Boil! Boil replace Mother Theresa as angel on Earth. Please send Boil to us immediately. We need magical healing powers to reconstitute our infantry. She has powers to make men cry like baby-kids, no? I need good cry ever since the rebels confiscated our cache of Broadway showtoon records. I want her to twitter us very much!
Most importance, we see Jack Bower fighting Anthony Al-Mayda. They are brothers, no? Is there fight over yak? My brother Yuri stole my yaks last winter, and left me goat with hip dysplasia. I had to destroy him. Tell Al-Mayda to give back yaks to Bower! We also demand you send us Bower daughter Kimberly soon. We have feral cat in village that rules the night. She will tame it.
We love America! We miss you! Send us food and wetnaps! Death to your enemies!