Monday, March 10, 2008

Eliot Spitzer: Reaction from The Republic of Uzbekistan!


Hello Whore-mongering Friends!

We joke, of course. We are The Republic of Uzbekistan, we always ready for quick funny!

So, I check my internets to see if I catch any new responses to my Match.com profile when I see news report that your Emperor of Newest York has problem getting free sex from his wife. This remind me of your Clinty-President from years ago. And of your Senator who tap dance in toilet seat for male-hugging. I think American wives no like to give you happy!

Boy, I tell you, I have seven wives and is that the truth! But that's why I go and find new wife. Otherwise, I have to go to whore store like your Emperor Spitzy. Pay for bed-time with woman? What's next, pay for used Soviet landmine? Like by cousin Hamza say, Americans can squeeze a ruble out of a Yak's toenail. But we love you! Oh God, please send us some shoes!

When I was out on pidgeon hunt earlier, I think about this problem with American wife. I ask myself "Could I ever pay five thousand American dollars for pleasureness?" And then I realize that same money could pay for new hospital in my coun-try. Or ten previously-owned certified tanks! I take the tanks, of course. What good is hospitals here in Uzbekistan? We can't kill rebels with hospital!

We think you confused about love in America. We see movie "The Break Up" with Vincy Vawn and Skinny Aniston and we wonder why you have big fight about lemons and pool tables. You have so much in stomaches. But you not happy with lemons! You want more! Always with the more! I know, we the same way-- last week I ate a baby vole I find in trash by my house. This was great! I said "I want another vole!" Then I realize I sound like lady on Oprah show, asking for a liposucky. Sure! Oh, Oprah, I eat too much, now I need you to take it out of my hiney! Ah, Americans, so funny!

We think Oprah is the problem. She rule your country and you not see it! Maybe you send Oprah here so we can eat her? Please?

4 comments:

AmyV said...

I think that photo was the centerfold in the Uzbekistan edition of Playgirl

Adam said...

Two words re: the Spitzer photo:

bird chest!

Sally Jo said...

From the mouth of Uzbekis...

Jacques Strappe said...

It is, how you Americain say, so refreshing to read the verbiage and drivel from a fellow un-American who, like we of the Francais, can appreciate the irony of the foibles d'Amerique as we imbibe the wotka and vino until our, how you say, insides overspew with laughter and le regurgitation d'coleur! Certainment, the agent Bauer, while a garcon despicable , does have the flair for the internationale, and is not so provincial as most of our friends, le swine d'Amerique.
But now Jacques must close, to go and prune le trees along the street. We always keep them in good health so that when the Germans return, they may, as you say, march in le shade!

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