Friday, June 08, 2007

The Eagle Has Landed

It’s quite dark over here, seriously, what’s the deal with you 24 bloggers and the color black? And is Rickey allowed to vehemently curse over here or are we going for a more family oriented demographic? Because in the interest of full disclosure, we’ll tell you right up front: Rickey’s most favorite word in the English language is “c---sucker.” Thanks very much for that, Deadwood. Eh, until we get the green light, Rickey will stick with the geeky BSG use of the word “frakking.” Remember, if things get too wild and you begin to feel uncomfortable, the safe word is “cobbler.”

Anyhow, now that the eagle has landed over here at The Jack Sack, it’s probably time to crank out an article showing everyone just how goddamn brilliant Rickey is. Granted, this will undoubtedly make those of you hungering for your next installment of CTU: Denver even angrier, but hey, deal with it. Until Adam gets off his lazy ass to crank out a write up, feel free to think of Rickey as the blogging equivalent of a rodeo clown. (By the way, Rickey digs that G-Love song, “Rodeo Clowns, ” and you should too).

Like most of you borderline functional rage-o-holics, Rickey has many many gripes with the silliness that went down in this past season of 24. And before he can proceed to specifically outline what he’d like to see occur in Season 7, he needs to exorcise some demons first. Below is a list of general recommendations/gripes that keep Rickey from sleeping soundly at night. For added enjoyment, feel free to picture Rickey pantslessly reading this list of grievances aloud to Surnow and company while wearing a monacle.

  • Plan out the frakking show. You schmucks admitted in Season 3 that you were essentially flying by the seat of your pants when it came to plot development. True, it worked out well for the first three years but Season 4 was the beginning of a steep downward spiral. Plan more.


  • Take out the politics. 24 needs to be apolitical. This is a show that promotes the ridiculous fiction that civil servants are tireless workers, hell-bent on doing a good job. That’s far enough of a stretch for Rickey. Suddenly we’re supposed to be impressed with how the show “deftly” mirrors contemporary political themes? Please. Consider yourselves warned: if Rickey sees another John McCain cameo, he’s jumping ship.


  • Relax with the torture. Come on, even you fervent right wingers must be getting a little tired of it by now. Six seasons in, we've now seen every variation Jack could possibly use. Every week we got the clichéd “we have to go to location A and work with so and so and torture X to make this happen.” And as much as we all love routine plot mechanics, something’s gotta give. So cool it on the torture a little. However, by no means does this imply that Kiefer should stop yelling.


  • Finally, stop killing the entire cast. David Palmer and Michelle Dressler were one thing but killing off Tony is completely unacceptable. Other than Jack, Kim and the recently castrated Aaron Pierce, who exactly from the original cast is still alive?

*In case you couldn't tell, being an office worker, Rickey digs the bulletpoint style of making an agrument.

11 comments:

Adam said...

Who is this person posting on my blog?

CTU Denver coming later today!!!!!!

Sally said...

Rickey pantslessly reading this list of grievances aloud to Surnow and company while wearing a monocle

Thanks for the image! Must find a happy place...

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey knows how to dole out the nighmare fuel.

Anything is automatically funnier when its done pantslessly. Rickey hereby declares The Jack Sack a pants-free zone.

Adam said...

Hooray! I hate pants!

AmyV said...

Sure, CTU Denver's coming later today. I've heard that before....

Meanwhile, in the spirit of Rickey's rant, any other crazy 24-philes are invited over to Remote Access (remote.lohudblogs.com) to chime in with your thoughts on what Season 7 should bring us. The Jack Sackers already have chimed, and we are developing quite the ... different season.

And boys, what, are you going to start wearing kilts now?

Haley said...

Cobbler. COBBLER!! COBBLERRRRR!!!!

Adam said...

Shit, Rickey, I hope you don't think I'm paying you by the word.

My Amazon links are not THAT lucrative.

2266 said...

How long are the days around here?
This is beginning to feel like a Jack Bauer day....

You said the next installment would be coming later today and I'm still looking at that hilarious post by that new guy who likes to talk about himself at the 3rd person...

AmyV said...

Still no CTU denver? it's dayyyyyys later.

Rickey Henderson said...

Ok, Rickey confesses: Adam's in my garage, chained to the lawnmower with an IV of goldschlagger for nourishment.

G said...

dammit where is Denver? I've been here at work, "pantslessly" pretending to do my job while waiting for Doyle to freak out and "violate" Schroeder while Milo cowers in a corner....

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