Friday, May 05, 2006

GUEST SPOT: TONY ALMEIDA'S CHICAGO CUBS MUG

Hey folks,

Man has this been a crazy day. You could say its been a wild past few years. It all started back in 1994: I sat idly by in a gift shop at Wrigley Field when Tony Almeida happened to saunter in slightly buzzed while watching a terrible game by Steve Trachsel. He had a stadium beer in his hand when he picked me up off the shelf and he grinned to some hot lady friend of his and said "Yeah, I'll take this one for the road so I can finish my beer on the train back to your place." The girl giggled, and Tony just kinda ignored her, filling me with cold brew before he even paid the cashier for the mug! I glanced back at the other mugs, collecting dust, and man did they look jealous. Yessiree, I had me a job!

As the years went by, I held a multitude of beverages for Tony. I've contained cola, Bustelo coffee, Alka-Seltzer and occasionally gravy (Tony never owned a gravy boat). Back around the time when Tony was "in-between jobs" (because that Michelle bitch let CTU hang him out to dry) I was exclusively a Budweiser mug. Sure I was concerned about Tony's drinking but you know how he gets- there's no talking sense into him, so I let things slide.

Well, today the shit realy hit the fan. One minute I'm watching him and Michelle (dumb bitch) getting ready for work and then BOOM! out they both go in some crazy explosion out front. Some folks came over to pick up Michelle's pieces but I couldn't see if Tony was okay or not. He didn't look good, but then again it always seems like he's getting shot in the neck or what have you. Needless to say, I am very worried. The lights are out and its dark. I've seen a few Humvees breeze by the house in the past few hours, but there's hardly a peep on the street. The T.V. is still on and from what I gather several dozen people have died all day long. Man, I know Tony needs me, now more than ever.

Tony, if you're reading this, come home! You're gonna have to put me in the microwave to heat up the day-old coffee in here, but I'm ready to do my part. We're a team, Tony. Now that Michelle's gone, it's just the two of us-- like the good old days!

3 comments:

Tori said...

haaaaaaa, haaaaa, definitely the funniest thing i have heard all day!

Tori said...

i have a Cubs mug like that too!!!

Anon. said...

Don't worry. Tony shall return.