Thursday, July 26, 2007

Mr. Bauer goes to Washington?

Hiya folks, every now and then Rickey likes to check in with a periodical update on all things 24-related. For the confused & bewildered, you’ll notice that Rickey’s posts now come to you with special third-person action. It’s been several long weeks since Rickey signed on to be the ombudsman of this blog and he damn well wants his own dressing room now. You hear that Adam? His own fucking dressing room! And whores, expensive whores! These occasional pants-free decrees just aren’t cutting it anymore buddy…

Ahem. Having now firmly established himself as the “id” of this blog, Rickey would now like to discuss the recent story about the seventh season of 24 being set in Washington D.C. First off, we like the idea, we really do. A change in scenery is a fantastic thing, and frankly, the whole Africa pitch sounded a little far fetched. Kiefer’s great at tracking down cartoonish caricatures of terrorists, but the idea of him single handedly wiping out apartheid seems like a bit of a reach, no?

So it’s on to swampy D.C. for season seven. And here are a few plot elements that Rickey thinks should occur in this exciting new locale:

Ideally, Day 7 should transpire sometime during Washington’s annual Cherry Blossom Festival. Naturally, Jack would commemorate the occasion by ripping all the city’s cherry trees out of the ground and flinging them into the Potomac.

One hour must be devoted entirely to Jack going insane and pummeling Anne Coulter. No commercial breaks.

Another hour would be devoted to Jack seriously losing his shit and rampaging through Alberto Gonzalez’s office. (You know what? Rickey has a laundry list of D.C. folks he’d like to see Bauerized, so we’ll stop now before things get too angry/divisive). More things we’d enjoy seeing:

Some sort of long, protracted gun fight in Union Station. (That one’s kind of inevitable).

Jack climbing up the Washington Monument and swatting down attacking biplanes.

Noah Daniels being politely asked to leave the Ronald Regan section of the Smithsonian due to an embarrassing bout of open weeping.

Nadia doing body shots at a George Washington University party (those GW kids party harder than you’d think).

Morris sweating profusely in the sub-tropical climate and making the bold decision to unfasten yet another shirt button.

Chloe going batshit crazy while trying to navigate Dupont Circle.

Kim Bauer lost and alone in the D.C. zoo after dark. It's comedy gold!

…And that’s all we can think of for now. Further thoughts/suggestions should be left in the comments section below.

8 comments:

Adam said...

You want expensive whores? Try owning a baseball team! ZING!

Rickey, welcome back to The Jack Sack. I guess that means it's time I post on "Riding with..." as well. Alright... I'll reciprocate.

Rickey Henderson said...

Well it's not a strictly quid pro quo arrangement buddy. But about that dressing room...

AmyV said...

OMG. Kim alone in the DC zoo overnight is just what Season 7 would need to break up whatever dramatic heaviness Jack will bring us...

I can't believe you two use the comments section to speak to one another. Don't you converse enough in other ways throughout the day each day?

Adam said...

It's a dysfunctional relationship, I admit it.

Rickey Henderson said...

Heavily dysfunctional. Adam won't even let Rickey be the big spoon.

The Man said...

Ricky is confused, Jack Bauer did Washington DC already, it was called The Sentinel.

Sally Jo said...

I think Anne Coulter should be a love interest for Jack...

Mathew said...

Well if Ann Coulter does indeed become Jack's love interest, that means she should get killed pretty soon, or at least get kidnapped and tortured .

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