Tuesday, July 17, 2007

CTU Denver: 10:00-11:00AM

Here's Hour 3 of our ongoing (and back-on-track!) series:

While Agent Mike Doyle confronts his unlikely doppelganger, former child-star Ricky Schroder in an epic battle of the wills, Schroder's partners in mischief and terror meet to plan out their nefarious plot against the free world!

INT. RAMADA INN. GARY COLEMAN'S SUITE.

Danny Bonaduce and Mindy Cohn are sitting uncomfortably on a twin bed together. Kirk Cameron is sitting on a corner chair, reading from Gideons Bible to pass the time. The door swings open and the pitter-patter of feet is heard, but no person is visible.

DANNY BONADUCE (perking up from his slouch)
Is that you Coleman?

A boyish giggle is heard from behind the twin bed.

DANNY BONADUCE
Dude, enough of the games, just tell me the Continental breakfast was still available. I need a GODDAMN cheese Danish!

KIRK CAMERON (head jerking up from the Bible)
Woah!

DANNY BONADUCE
Sorry, Cammy. (turns to bed) Gary, are you gonna make me come underneath the bed to get my Danish.

Danny Bonaduce looks over and sees Mindy Cohn paying extra attention to what's transpiring.

DANNY BONADUCE
Gary, you're getting Mindy excited. Just give me the Danish and put this little episode behind us.

A shadowy figure bolts from underneath the bed and climbs the curtains and hides in the lampshade.

KIRK CAMERON (standing and placing his hand cautiously on Danny's shoulder)
Danny, that's not Gary Coleman! That's someone... something else. (holds up the Bible) The Power of Christ compels you! Away with you, Hell beast!

Suddenly GARY COLEMAN enters the hotel room.

GARY (all huffy)
Man, what's going on in here? Are y'all scaring our newest team member?

DANNY BONADUCE
Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Gary?

GARY
Fool, that's Emmanuel Lewis up in that lampshade. Did you upset him? Get out of my way!

Gary walks over to the lampshade and looks up at his hidden friend. After a few grunts and clicking noises from the lamp, Emmanuel Lewis finally drops down and lands on Gary's shoulder. Gary feeds him a nondescript piece of food, probably a dog biscuit of some sort. Emmanuel Lewis devours the vittles. Mindy Cohn makes a groaning noise. Gary shrugs his shoulders and tosses a dog treat at Mindy, which she snaps out of the air with zeal.

DANNY BONADUCE
Holy Mother of-

KIRK
Uh-uh, Danny. What did I tell you about swearing? I can't enter His Kingdom if I'm surrounded by people who take the Lord's name in vain.

DANNY BONADUCE
Sorry, Cam-- I want you to get in there, trust me. (To Gary) So, is the Continental Breakfast over?

Gary nods.

DANNY BONADUCE
Dammit!

KIRK
Woah!

DANNY BONADUCE
Sorry! (sighs) It's just those Ramada Inn Danishes are like methadone for me. (shakes his arms, trying to loosen up) Okay, so we're all here then?

GARY
Not quite, Ricky Schroder got picked up by CTU last night.

DANNY BONADUCE
Where is he now?

GARY
He's at CTU here in Denver-- our "mole" is giving us a real-time feed on CTU's operations.

KIRK CAMERON
We have to abort the operation. If Ricky has talked to-

DANNY BONADUCE
Cammy, babe- listen to what you're saying! Ricky Schroder is the hardest member of this team. This is the guy who sat through several years of Dennis Farina's bare-ass and he held strong. CTU can't make him talk. But we're a man short now. (looks at Gary and Emmanuel) Sorry.

Emmanuel Lewis makes some squishy noises and smiles. He then picks at Gary's afro, pulling out lint and other particles.

GARY
No, I can take the jokes.

KIRK CAMERON
Okay, so we need to fill Ricky's spot. Any ideas?

GARY
I could always call up Todd Bridges.

DANNY BONADUCE
We got enough crack addicts in the room already, Gary, sorry. No, I think we need to call in someone special. He's our newest recruit-- he just got pinched for a DUI this year... here's his rap sheet (tosses it on the bed).

Mindy Cohn leans forward and smiles with approval. The spider-monkey Emmanuel Lewis starts clicking with glee.

CUT TO:

INT. DARK ROOM.

A phone sits on the desk and it rings. A hand moves to pick it up, but we cannot see the person's face.

DANNY BONADUCE (VOICE)
It's me. Are you ready to make your bones with our crew?

The face of the person on the phone leans forward into the light.

HALEY JOEL OSMENT
I see dead people... they're in CTU!

Bleep-bleep-bloop-bloop.

NEXT TIME ON CTU DENVER-- The Former Child Actor's have to make immediate moves to enact their mysterious plot of terror while Agent Doyle has to turn elsewhere for answers...

5 comments:

Adam said...

So... anybody have anything to say???

G said...

Good stuff. I think Doyle should declare CTU a "pants free" zone. Maybe Schroder will have something to say if he has some random (perhaps drug influenced?) flashback of what Doyle did to him and Milo when they were all spending time inside of a Turkish prison....

Adam said...

Thanks, G.

I'll give you a hint on what's coming soon-- a certain character I introduced a few months ago is coming back.

B.U.Tax said...

Rickey are you alive? Bill Simmons is on a sabbatical or something and I'm hurting for my columns - I think you should begin a weekly BatShi! Crazy column on this blog to discuss whats on your mind. It would be a nice addition to the CTU Denver series & Adam's other pieces. I would have a legitimate reason to avoid doing work while at work....

glockspeak said...

Pure gold, Adam.