Previously on 24:
24 made a lot of fans happy. I'm hoping for an encore tonight...
Kate is brought into the loop by Jack. The Universal Remote Control is truly universal- it can control all TVs, VCRs and weapons systems around the world. Okay, I'll suspend disbelief for an hour. Make it good.
Crow Villain lets Chloe know that he's stealing the override device to render the world's arsenals obsolete by making all their firewalls vulnerable to outsider control. This is basically what Facebook does to your private life.
Navarro, with the device in his purse, runs like a giraffe on a treadmill yet he still stays far enough ahead of Jack to safely deliver it to Crowe Villain. Navarro asks for his getaway car but gets unfriended by Crowe Villain. The Tac Team arrests Navarro and Jack keeps up chase after Crowe Villain into the Tube. Jack chases the departing train in classic French Connection fashion. The train gets away, Crowe Villain waves with his eyeballs. Oh man.
Crew Neck assumes command of the CIA office that a) blew up b) had many of its members killed violently and c) had its former commander revealed to be a world-class villain-giraffe.
James Heller gets a quick scotch in before Audrey reminds him that booze is bad for you. Things get worse for Heller when Crew Neck calls and tells the president that the override device is looser than Audrey's temper. Heller reminds Crew Neck that the entire US government is under Jack Bauer's command. Kate also learns that Navarro completely lied and is the world's worst boss for setting up her husband.
Bauer tells Crew Neck he wants to interrogate Navarro. Crew Neck forgets momentarily the president's orders for supreme deference to Jack. Baby steps, Crew Neck. Jack checks in with Kate and he learns that Kate's exonerated husband is dead by suicide. Jack now wants to hurt Navarro a little extra.
Navarro shows American TV viewers that he's on a low carb diet. And then he tells Jack he wants full immunity. Of course this is a terrible idea. Jack goes bananas foster on Navarro's wrist but Crew Neck and his white shirt brigade break it up just as it was getting good. Kate goes all Jerry Springer in the doorway, yelling at Navarro for what he did to her dead husband. Jack is all "Get off me, you weirdos. What did you put on Navarro's nipples anyway?!" The CIA substation is devolving into a local chapter of the Tri-Delts.
Chief-in-Law gets an apology from Audrey but he throws it back in her face. He tells her she wants to make kissy time with Jack. Audrey tells him that she... oh who the heck cares, this subplot blows. It's meant to justify what immediately follows: Chief-in-Law calls the Russian circus and he sells him out- giving the Ruskies Jack's CIA number/locator thingamajig. Why? Because Chief-in-Law is worried about Jack stealing his crazy wife. The Russian circus is nonetheless satisfied.
Chloe makes an impressive and suddenly unimpressive attempt at stealing the override device from Crow Villain. "Get back in the car!" he grumbles to Cleopatra O[Brian. This is very much becoming an old married couple.
Kate interrogates Navarro the old fashioned way (no, she doesn't pinch his nipples with those weird things on them). With a lot of shouting and a gun pressed to Navarro's head, Kate brings back the old days of 24. Jack walks into this scene after getting a coffee and immediately draws his weapon and yells at her but maybe he knows Kate is crazy like a Bauer, but he nonetheless plays the good cop to Kate's angry as all hell bad cop. Navarro takes 3 seconds to give up his information on a tracker he placed in the device. Nice work, Kate! So, does the immunity thing get to go into the shredder?
Chief-in-Law joins a presidential briefing where he learns that the man he just gave up to the Russians is the only man who can stop Armageddon. Oops!
HOLY SHIT! Cheng is back! Cheng murdered the entire Scooby Gang. We also learn that Cheng was running Crow Villain all along. Cheng, Jack's kidnapper from years ago, "asks" Chloe to undo the garbage Yates put on the device so it can be used for maximum villainy. Chloe refuses to help Cheng. Cheng shoots Crow VIllain in the leg. Chloe agrees to help Cheng. Cheng always wins.
The Chinese (unofficial) and the Russians are both back in the mix in one episode. Jack might be able to kill his remaining enemies in one gloriously convenient season ending arc. I've been asking for Cheng's head since 2007. That's 7 years ago! What did gas cost back then? LESS THAN IT DOES TODAY DAMMIT!
Crow Villain, believing they're going to die, tells Chloe the truth- that Morris and her son weren't murdered, they died in an actual accident. Chloe, poor Chloe... manipulated to the end. Cheng makes good on Crow Villain's expectations and shoots him dead in the head.
AND THEN THE RUSSIANS SHOW UP! In proper Russian fashion, they introduce themselves to Jack with shitty driving. Holy mother of god. Jack and Kate versus the entire Russian Army. As the Russians shoot their way towards Bauer, Cheng sends a launch command to a US submarine to sink the Chinese aircraft carrier. You know, when I get a weird piece of direction from my bosses, I tend to kick it around with them for a minute or two before acting. The sub captain is all too ready to put down his coffee and just launch the dame missiles. It's obvious the sub crew thinks this is an odd, if not ill-advised order. Yes, it was confirmed but still, doesn't the captain get to ask for a little extra confirmation? If we're going to start World War III, you should be sure you want millions to die before you commit to the damn thing. Anyway, the missiles hit the Chinese carrier. Tune in next week for the end of the world!
This episode helps move the chaos forward. Unfortunately, we only have two more hours to get (some) resolutions to these twists. Maybe Jack gets a super soldier serum injection. Maybe Jack sends out an evite to his enemies to all show up at a dinner party. I am very interested to see how these remaining hours cover all of this material.
Clem is hiding right now so no picture this week. She's afraid of WWIII. If only my cat was commanding that damn sub...