Madame Senior Intelligence Analyst, The Jack Sack of "24!"
My fellow "24" fans, I come before you today on the eve of the 12th episode of Season 8. We have met many new characters, we've delved into some ridiculous subplots and we even have a new leather manpurse that costs nearly $900 retail. While we face many challenges in the coming episodes, I stand before you today very optimistic that this season will redeem itself. The State of "24" is not ideal, but its future is strong!
(Several people applause politely)
Now, I can go on about the problems- how Cole Ortiz has a terrible NY accent, how Arlo Glass is one margarita away from ending up on Datline's "To Catch a Predator," how Brian Hastings has limited range of motion from the neck up or how Dana Walsh/Jenny is the most ridiculous human being to ever occupy space in our television sets. Indeed, these have been challenging weeks in which many of you have come to me and stated your deep displeasure with the new CTU. I agree with your concerns, but I am here to tell you that things are going to get better. No, I'm not hopeful they'll improve, I am absolutely sure that Season 8 is about to explode your weary brains.
Perhaps we should think of this show as "13" as there are that many episodes left. In 13 episodes we will meet new villains, we will be reunited with Former President Charles Logan, and most importantly we will continue to have a fully armed and operational Jack Bauer slaying bad guys (and girls). Ever since Jack moved his manpurse shoulder strap over his head to his opposite shoulder, he has become the one-man militia that we all embraced many seasons ago. Last night's episode was further proof of Jack's resurgence ("LOOK INTO MY EYES!") and he has had enough of these amateurs at the new CTU. Remember, Jack has watched these episodes along with us, and he is pissed off.
Now, I have been more critical than most about the first 11 episodes. I can count this season's great moments on maybe 2 or 3 fingers to be honest. Everything else has been either average or downright frustrating. Renee Walker started out as a full-blown badass but quickly dropped all toughness once she got into the room with a lawyer from the Department of Justice. While the women's movement may have been set back several years, I remind you all that she still knows how to fire a gun. I will auction off one of my vital organs if she does not prove to us her valor with weapons by season's end.
(A lone voice yells out "You lie!")
Can the show redeem itself despite these problems? A week ago, I would have said probably not. And even through last night's frustrating episode, I found signs of hope-- CTU Director Brian Hastings has become a worthy leader, trusting Jack Bauer at every important moment and even promoting Chloe O'Brian to her rightful place as CTU's boss of techie stuff. And Hastings is not a pushover either- giving Ortiz and Walsh a proper dressing-down that we've all been waiting to see happen. With Hastings and Jack working in sync, we've hopefully overcome the inevitable frustrations that come with Bauer clashing with authority figures every single season. Sure, they'll have disagreements again, but they will concern whether Jack should use his fist or a knife when interrogating a terrorist.
And while the politics of this season have been incredibly dumb so far, they've all been a set-up for the really big reveal, which I expect to be shortly forthcoming. I don't know exactly what that revelation may be, but I have theories. In addition I have a big speculative spoiler that will likely ruin you for next week's episode, so consider that before reading further:
Click here to have your mind ruined by spoilerific revelations!
I declare comments for this post a SPOILER zone. Therefore, if you've skipped the spoiler section, you're advised to not read the comments to this post. If you want to comment on this article without reading the spoilers, feel free to post your thoughts at the State of "24" Preview article here.
In closing, let's tighten up our ranks- we have a half of a season of this show left and I refuse to give up hope on a more violent, dangerous future! God Bless 24!
(Thunderous applause, The Jack Sack walks up the aisle and shakes straps with various purses and manbags).