Monday, May 12, 2014

24: LIVE ANOTHER DAY: Season 9: 1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. Quick Review

It was 90 degrees today. I have proof:


Yeah, it's still warm in my house because we haven't put the AC units in the windows yet. So tonight, I'm writing about 24 with a lot of extra humidity in my soul.

Previously on 24:

It wasn't 90 degrees outside last week.

Also, Jack Bauer returned from exile to spring Chloe "WikiLeaks" O'Brian from the hoosegow in CIA land, London, England. Yeah, I dunno, just stop at "Jack Bauer returned..."

Jack goes to a pub, now this is about time. 9 seasons in, oh wait, he finds Evil Pies on the bathroom floor. Jack says to Chloe that the Pixie Chick is the killer. Jack also reasons to believe that Pixie Chick will have changed her appearance because if he was writing the show, that's what he would do. Did I also mention that Jack does this all with his trusty manpurse?

Meanwhile, back at the apartment complex where Jack punched everyone, Kate is interrogating the soccer hooligans to figure out who this Yates guy is- you know the guy who Jack already found dead in the bathroom? CIA is always a step behind the Man with the Sack.

Well, Kate doesn't mess around, she starts pistol-whipping the head hooligan, Basher, the one that Jack slashed across the neck. Basher is tough. His lack of being dead shows this to be a fact. Crew Neck tells Kate to stop trying to find Bauer. Hehehe, okay, sure.

Jack heads from the pub to the tube, so this is already an accelerated tourist trip of London. Jack is looking for Pixie Chick. Think he finds her? Oh yeah, she cuts her leg to smear blood on her face to... make it look like Jack already did what he was already going to do to her. Pixie Chick loses Jack by dipping down a side door and right in front of Chloe's car while Chloe fantasizes about being a soccer mom again. So far, these heroes are showing their rust. Chloe reveals that Morris and her son, Prescott, died years earlier in a truck accident. So, Chloe is pretty damned messed up. She's convinced that her family was offed on purpose because of her friendship with Bauer. Jack says some fortune cookie stuff about stopping the bad guys, and the camera lands closely on Jack's sincere eyes. Chloe says nothing. BLEEP BLOOP BLEEP- commercial break!

Unfortunately, the already tiresome subplot of the overambitious Chief of Staff/son-in-law has produced nothing but groans.  Is he dirty? Is he a terrorist? I don't care. The Hellers are morons for letting this guy into their lives. Audrey agrees to do something stupid because the Chief-in-Law said so a few times. And then the guy falsely signs a document in the president's name. So, we're supposed to hate the guy even more, as registered voters. Ha!

Shadow Mom and Pixie Chick are revealed to be al Qaeda operatives. Okay.

Meanwhile, at Shadow Mom's creepy walking garden, mother and daughter talk about "the American." Bauer makes an impression. There is nothing wholesome about this family based on the creepy music playing underneath. Ah, there's a brother. He's the one with the computer skills. He says it will take one more episode to get the drone equipment Yates made working. Pixie Chick then sees her real husband walk in, he's cranky about his wife is hooched up. And with a gaping leg wound! Get some anti-bacterial ointment!  Pixie leaves, Shadow Mom tells her mopey husband to deal with the fact that his wife (and her daughter) banged the hell out of Yates for 3 weeks. It's all for the cause!

Jack brings Chloe back to the Scooby Gang and they begin to piece together the plot with the drones. Jack says please to Mr. Cross (the scarf wearing Assange guy). Cross likes this a lot.

For reasons unknown, Kate's subplot involves torturing Basher. This is to get to Bauer? Kate offers to leave Basher with a rival gang or otherwise he cooperates with them. Basher tells Kate that Evil Pies was involved with some bloke named "Tanner."  They speed off before the rival gang kills them all.

Tanner, of course, is the innocent man who's blamed for the drone attack. Is he innocent or not? I'm confused. I blame my cat, she's easily cuter than Basher.  Hi Clem!


Back to the show-

Shadow Mom sews up Pixie in a dark room. Shadow Mom is obsessed with "this American..." so the stitches go extra painful for Pixie. No one loves in this family. They're basically like the terrorist version of the Kardashians. But the Kardashians terrorize us already, yes, I know, but these people are sadly more productive.

Kate talks to Mr. Roberts (yeah, he's kind of in this episode to say "Don't push the envelope, you loose cannon!"). He says "Okay, push the envelope, you loose cannon!" Oh snap- character development!

President Heller is wearing a robe, it's 1:45 p.m. This is not going to be a good scene.  Audrey tries to convince her dad to not speak to Parliament, but old pops charms her daughter into shutting up. Audrey's got the crazy eyes. *eyes roll* Please don't drag out this Heller drama.

Jack Bauer gets on line to turn himself in at the U.S. Embassy. Wait, strike that, "Ron Fairbanks" (Jack's favorite film star of the silent era and go-to later ego) is going to visit the U.S. Embassy to speak with Tanner, the drone patsy. If you want to register @RonFairbanks on Twitter, have at it- there's comedy in those hills. Thanks to Mr. Cross ginning up a fake ID, Jack can walk into any dance party in London!

Pixie and her hubby have a moment. Hubby is pounding contraband sauce in the bedroom. Pixie wants some... hubby. He is freaking out over the whole cause- it's not about Pixie being promiscuous. He's having a real crisis of conscience. Pixie will have to kill him before Shadow Mom does it first. And then we see Shadow Mom bugged the room with a camera. Creeeeeeeeeepy!

Heller gets out of a limo and walks to Parliament. Stephen Fry says "Crumpets, yardarm, thistleberry, Hurrah!" Basically, "Don't fuck it up, Yankee Doodle." Good pep talk, Mr. Prime Minister.

Awwww gawd, Audrey and Chief-in-Law... just shoot them both at this point.

Woah, is this actually Parliament? I'm impressed if it's a fake set.  Alright, Heller walks up to the podium and begins to speak his apology, that is until a bald British prick interrupts. And then some British lady and then, oh my God, so many Brits are yelling! If only Heller wasn't senile, then he could whip up some charming answers to the screaming. Right? Yeesh.

Kate and Crew Neck are at the U.S. Embassy. Holy shit, they're going to see Bauer- I mean Fairbanks. Tense coincidence! Kate walks right by Jack. CIA wins again! Jack is free except for the fact that his ID is bogus (he was double-Cross-ed. Get it?). AND THEN JACK DROPS THE JACK SACK ON THE DIRTY LONDON GROUND! And before you can even cry over this, Jack leads an insurgent force of British protesters through the Embassy gates and overrun Kate, the military defenses and all U.S. sovereignty. But... he dropped the damn bag on the ground....

Worst episode ever.

I kid.

BLEEP BLOOP BLEEP BLOOP

Alright, subplots are taking shape. The CIA is slow, but Kate is half-brained. The Shadow Mom is creepy, and her family is all messed up and terroristy. President Heller is beset by fools and scumbags. Heller deserves so much better, this is one of the best supporting characters who finally gets a shot at doing good things. He's David Palmer-levels of good, so please stop making him feeble. On the plus side, Jack still brings the chaos and now that he's set to spring Tanner and take on the entire U.S. government, I think we have a good few episodes coming up. Just pick up the bag, Jack. Please!

5 comments:

Dietcoke said...

So glad to read your recaps again and have Jack AND JackSack back! I really enjoyed the opening two episodes but this one kind didn't live up to last week's.

Audrey's husband is just too evil right off the bat to take seriously. It's hard to believe that the Hellers ever hooked up with him. Jack's breaking in AGAIN? Now he's going to have to break out again....

So do we already know how the season ends? Heller has to give Jack to the Russians because Audrey's evil husband will say that Heller DID sign the letter, he just doesn't remember. I'm kind of okay with the forging the signature because if it looks different they'll blame it on Alzheimers . My mom had Alzheimers and started signing her checks so differently that they thought someone was forging them. It's a weird part of Alzheimers.

Nice Jack and Chloe moment. Cross must die. What happens next?

Ozogo Meticulate said...

1. quick assessment by Jack - professional kill Job on Yates
2 Maybe Audrey could just see Jack, and the look on her face could say it all
3 Keep your mouth shut son, she is playing ya. Really
4 I will make you a deal... what for his life... no deal... no not his life... yours... I may look like a guy at a disadvantage to you, but I (soft assessment of his surroundings and a dismissive look to suggest his battle scars and his actual combat experience) Assure you, I am not.
5 plixie girl greatest looks - you aint ready for this jelly knife in your ear" or "if you wannna be my lover, you got to get by my terrorist mother
6. Cloe again, is meek, humble, venerable, but STONE COLD KILLA cyber punk
7 He is trying to kill me... Jack's next words... "She’s lying." - . I will shoot! Jack - she has the box.. SHOOT HER, YOU KNOW SHE IS A MURDERING PSYCO! WHAT. SEASON 5 JACK WOULD HAVE ENDED THE SEASON RIGHT THEN AND THERE. AT LEAST pIXIE'S PART IN IT AND THE IMMEDIATE DRONE THREAT, JUST FINDING BAD GUYS LEFT.
8 One more shocking freight night bloody look from pixie chick - How does she know jack is American? - Pixie chick is going to kill her mother when the chips are down.
9 I'm sure he is after the device to control drones stupid mother!
10 Hey, sis, your back - wow, what a laid back brother she has
11 he was willing to be water boarded for that! He has no collateral interest
12- No wiki leak? you have to see Heller in person?
13 Do you remember when I told you the story of Hansel and Gretel when you were a child dear, now you understand?
14 - how did you miss-judge your husband. HE WAS A REALLY GOOD SPY!
15 This Drone attack, this has all the callings of a False Flag! Say, Alex Jones
16 how long before Top Dollar Devils Night gets his? - (Crow Reference) Episode 11 I am banking.
17 That was ruthless and professional with twisting in the brain MAD Hatter Style ear killing by jacks analysis. She didn't think she could do it, but she did
18 Are little PTS. Victim has officially come out of it. Audrey is BACK!
19 I like to think that Jack shot the "you're with us or against us” guy.
20 it turns out that Pixie chick was the Mayor of a local cafe on 4 square.

Kaden Alflow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaden Alflow said...

Awesome review! Yeah, the Heller drama is getting a bit tiresome, but I'm looking forward to 9.5. It seems like Jack's finally going to be proven right by Margot's video and everyone will be listening to him again and Heller will put him back on the field. Hell yeah!

I'm not sure if I want to ship Jack with Kate or not. I think they'd be a cute couple. And dick husband or no, I don't see how they'd be able to reconnect him and Audrey, not after all of this time. They did made Jack and Renee want to get married after spending a day and a half together.

I still kinda think Kate and Jack should hook up. Kate seems like such a badass that was in line with Jack's way of thinking, and she was betrayed by her own spouse, so there's a lot of angry se- relation there.

Also did I mention how silly with joy I am that Michael Wincott is in this? He's one of my favorite actors and I don't care if they kill him but it should be until the last episode. (Jack voice) He's on the main cast, damn it!

Granny Annie said...

I did not see him drop the Jack Sack. Went back to replay and someone had deleted my recordings!!!! Just kill off Audrey and Chief-in-law is the best idea yet. Am hoping we didn't have to off Chloe's family to make room for a future romance between her and Jack. Why else even put that in the show? I am afraid but my imagination does tend to go a bit wild at time. Yes, he must pick up the sack from the dirty English ground. I am going to kill the person who erased my dvr copies. You are so great!

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