Monday, June 14, 2010

24 Season 1: 2AM-3AM Retro Review

Jack Bauer gives new meaning to the term "thumb drive"-- he uses some nifty thumb print scanner in his CTU ride to ID the recently removed thumb from one of those filthy terrorists back at the ambush last hour. So, he can identify a THUMB while he DRIVES... get it? Oh, my sides are killing me from laughing so hard!

Well, before Jack can get too involved in trying to save the world, he has to answer a call from the wifey. Teri tells Jack that their daughter is a party girl. Jack is angry, not at Kim per se, but at Teri for being such a latecomer to the game. Meanwhile, father-of-the-year Alan York (remember him? father to Kim's friend Janet) tells Teri and Jack that he's scared of staying outside too long and he has to pee and eat graham crackers (in that order). Jack wants nothing to do with this nonsense, and he reminds them both that their daughters are more important than slipping on pajamas and nodding off to Seinfeld reruns. Alan and Teri agree. They remain at the furniture store for their daughters to arrive.

Back at the Assassin's Retreat, Mandy (clothed, but no bra) and the scumbag terrorist "buyer" of the ID card (Ira Gaines) have to sort out some details, like whether or not he's going to pay Mandy and her female cohort the originally agreed upon price of $1 million or the new double-cross special "discount" of $2 million! Ira Gaines... hmmm, that sounds like a character a bank would invent to market Roth-IRA accounts. "Enjoy your gains made from an IRA!" Okay, I promise, that's the last one of those jokes I'll do tonight! Sorry!

And the target of these plotting villains is still missing! Senator Palmer disappeared last hour for some heretofore unknown shenanigans. In his wake, he has left his beautiful, loving wife Sherry and their children to deal with added Secret Service protection. It pains me to see such good, stable people put through this kind of stress. Oh, and Aaron Pierce calls David Palmer's kid "son" (thankfully not "boy"). That would have not gone over well.

At a small airfield, the purple love van pulls up and a new thread of evil is revealed! The stoner college guys call their "boss" finally!  They are in cahoots with Ira Gaines! They have some quick chat about "the Bauer girl" and thus offici- wait, a moth just flew by me, I have to kill it. Be right back...

OK- the moth is dead, what was I saying? Yes, Kim is a moth to flame of danger. I hope she learns her lesson this season and stays out of trouble in the future! Oh, and to shut Janet up from whining about her brutally broken arm, the stoners give her some heroin. So, to shut someone up like... say, Nancy Grace, all I gotta do is give her some black tar? Done!

On the streets of LA, Senator David Palmer drives with confidence. Why, you ask? Because he's in good hands, people. And when he pulls into one of the most dangerous parking garages in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city, the spirit of Jobu comes to his aid when a thug swings at him with a baseball bat.  The thug's friend recognizes Palmer in a really geographically misplaced NY accent. I guess this is what happens to guys when their "entourage" goes belly-up. Anyway, the thug gets a brief lesson in crime statistics from Palmer, and he replies by smashing in Palmer's rear windshield. That's alright, the senator has accident forgiveness.

Upon Jack's return to CTU, we get a healthy dose of some excellent cat-and-mouse dialogue. Jack tasks Jamie (a trusted student of the newly-dead Richard Walsh) with unloading all of the plot-revealing data on the ID card Jack recovered. He also wants confirmation that Nina Myers is the mole, which this card could provide. So, while Jamie is furiously trying to confirm the ID card's origins, Jack and Nina have a great scene of adult verbal chess in his office. This is a highlight of the season so far- Sarah Clarke is something wonderful in this role. You know she can lie like nobody's business, but you also want her to be good. Keifer and Sarah Clarke are a fantastic combination. And the scene they share here is brilliantly written. Jamie calls Jack while he's in his office with Nina and confirms that Nina is the mole. Jack, stone-faced sends Nina off to do some photocopies. This is getting quite good.

What could make this better? How about Mandy making out with her girlfriend? What is this show I've stumbled upon? Or how about Kim somehow escaping from the stoners with her banged-up, junked-up best buddy? And that Kim and Janet somehow end up in South Central LA on foot where they were just at an airfield minutes earlier? Lesbians and Time Traveling Junkies. That should be the name of this show. FOX, get on that.

Well, we finally get some straight answers on David Palmer's mystery scandal when he meets his contact. The writers must have worked extra hard to come up with something that would not reflect poorly on David among the TV audience. So, instead of the Senator hiding an affair, some slush fund or the fact that he's Jewish, it turns out he's trying to protect his son! Oy vey... that's like hearing a candidate say "my biggest weakness is that I care too much about the people!"  Well, the rumor here is that Keith threw some guy out of a high-rise for raping his sister. Okay, I could see how that might distract the presidential campaign.  David's slimy political operator tells the Senator that he'll take care of this story. Uh-huh...

After some silly stuff involving Kim, Janet and a teenage male prostitute, we are mercifully given another great scene between Jack and Nina. Jack finally confronts Nina about her being a mole ("WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?!?" sounds kinda catchy-- I hope Jack uses that again in future episodes/seasons). Anyway, Jamie goes up to Jack's office to sort out this whole mess and it turns out that the log-in records have someone using Nina's computer during the same weekend Jack and Nina were busy getting busy at some weekend retreat. So... Nina isn't the mole! Go back to work and let's focus our attention on Tony Almeida as the next suspect!

Yeah, yeah, but what's going on with Mandy and her girlfriend? Well, they eventually sort out a deal that gets them the extra million bucks and they all go to retrieve the buried ID card. Mandy's girlfriend is all excited about their hard-bargaining skills, but before you can say "Lilith Fair" one of Ira Gaines' snipers takes out the girlfriend, leaving Mandy available to do some more work for the guy.

As this unfolds, Kim and Janet continue in their own little "Grand Theft Auto" after-school special- fleeing the kidnapping stoners, befriending a male prostitute, stealing a cell phone off a pimp and then Janet getting run over by an American classic automobile- a '78 Pontiac Trans Am coupe! Woah! As Janet lay dying on the street, the stoners catch up to Kim and take her away to someplace hopefully nice. The Trans Am looks to be unharmed as well. Phew.

62 comments:

Dietcoke said...

Adam, you are making me want to rewatch season one all over again. The season that hooked me on the show. I'll be back when I catch up.

Spencer said...

Great Review, Adam!

If you ask me, I think it's Tony. It's just that Nina's such a good woman, ya know? And here is Jack, sniffing at her all the time, and she's sniffing back. He just....can't take it. This season has the oppurtunity to go to an emotional level.

I'm not saying that it's a fact, but between you and me, I'm always right about these things. The women love it.

Brian Pelts said...

If there's anything I love more than hot girl-on-girl action, it's hot girl-on-girl pimp-slapping.

Sharan Rajan said...

Great work Adam! The look of Day 1 is so different from every thing which came after it. This episode, though not as good as the previous one, is excellent in its own right for featuring the infamous "Who are you working for?!". Loved the injoke about Ira Gaines (IMO he's the coolest villain ever!). Waiting to see your work on his other cool lines ("Be good you'll be back at the mall in a day or two. Be bad you won't.", "The Sorta Dead" line, "Say something, that's a nice clear signal" and al). Looking forward to the rest!

BauerLuver said...

I have to say, I don't think I'll make it another week.

Adam said...

@Dietcoke, BauerLuver- crack open the DVDs and join the fun!

@Spencer- thanks, bud- I like your theory!

@Pelty- These first 3 episodes are freakin crazy. I forgot how silly things got early on. I love it.

@Sharan- thank you very much for your comment. I'll be on the lookout for more Ira goodness- thanks for the heads-up.

BauerLuver said...

I think I've figured out who the mole is! Inside CTU there is a tiny chip that records all of our heroes' conversations and sends them to people like Ira Gaines. It also holds classified defense technology, such as Palmer's motorcade route, or nuclear defense codes. And where is this all-powerful all-knowing incriminating chip? On the inside of Tony's Cubbie cup!

singingdoll said...

Awesome review, Adam! I don't have much to say. I watched all of the seasons in the fall/winter, before season 8 began, so I probably won't start up again... although maybe I will. :) I do think Mandy ought to be in the 24 film, though -- besides her getting immunity back in season 4, we've not gotten a definitive end to her zany story arc.

Adam said...

@Molly- thank you, thank you :)

Yeah, I didn't get into the Mandy subplot too much in this review, but it looks like she was truly in love with her girlfriend and was deeply scarred by having to give her life up to Gaines. Mandy is definitely a sociopath, but she seemed to be truly distraught in this episode. Scant character work as that may be, it's still interesting to think about.

Brian Pelts said...

Plus, she can do full frontal in the movie. SOLD!

Spencer said...

Yeah, it better be rated R.

I remember the prequel to season 4; "I can find my own fucking job, thank you." You see, people? The F word DOES exist in the 24 universe.

Alex Getts said...

It could be rated R, but I doubt it will be. Considering how long they've talked about a 24 movie, I have a hard time seeing FOX letting it get anything but a PG-13 since they'll want to sell it to the under 17 demographic, too.

BauerLuver said...

I hope it's PG-13. It would be truer to the TV show, which, after all, is TV-14 with viewer discretion advised, which is like the equivalent of PG-13. Plus, it'll be harder to talk my parents into seeing if it's rated R!

Spencer said...

@BauerLuver- You'll be a neccessary sacrafise for the lives of millions.

BauerLuver said...

@Spencer-What do you mean by that?

Spencer said...

It must be rated R. Can you not see how the writers have pretty much always pushed the limits of tv violence, and how they take advantage of the one chance to make Jack say the f-word? These writers want to be big boys, they just haven't really been able to until now.

They might be used to holding in some urges by now, but I still think that they've earned the chance to realease themselves of their content-restrictions.

Adam said...

My preference is for an R-rated 24 movie but FOX is notorious for skewing to PG-13, the last DIE HARD movie (a mess of a film in my opinion) is a prime example where they even messed up Det. McClane's trademark catchphrase to avoid the R-rating.

Speaking of DIE HARD, did any of you catch an article that was out last week which stated the FOX execs' master plan to do a buddy-cop movie with McClane and Jack Bauer? I am NOT making this up- it was going to be called "DIE HARD 24/7"- and it was going to happen until Kiefer vetoed the whole idea.

singingdoll said...

Not gonna lie... the idea of the DIE HARD 24/7 film kind of makes me wet my pants a little. Maybe it's just the ridiculousness / cleverness of that title.

I feel that if the 24 film's tone is in keeping with the TV series, I'll be fine. Whether that means R or not, I have no clue. I wouldn't mind something similar to "I'm gonna need a hacksaw," though.

BauerLuver said...

Still people, the show is pretty much PG-13. Staying true to the show is something I think the writers failed at a bit in S8 (Jack's murderous rampage, no Aaron, no Tony, etc.) and I hope that the movie is as much like the TV show as possible. That's the main reason I want it to be PG-13, because the show's not rated M, or R in movie terms. What I think would be really awesome would be if the movie was 24 hours for the true die-hards like us crazy fans, and we sat for an entire day in the movie theater and took intermissions and such. The chances of that happening are extremely slim, but it's cool to dream! However, if that doesn't work, they should make it a huge real-time franchise, with 8 3-hour movies or something like that. As long as it's loyal to the show as much as possible, I will be one happy camper!

BauerLuver said...

By the way Adam, fabulous review (again.) I don't know how you think up all this hilarious stuff! I stay up till 12:00 every Monday night just so I can watch the episode then immediately read the review as it's fresh in my mind! Way to go!

singingdoll said...

"What I think would be really awesome would be if the movie was 24 hours for the true die-hards like us crazy fans, and we sat for an entire day in the movie theater and took intermissions and such. The chances of that happening are extremely slim, but it's cool to dream!"

Oh man. Yeah, whenever I mention there being a 24 movie, people ask if this is the sort of thing it'll be. "Duuuuuh, how can you make a movie of it? Will it be 24 hours long? Uhhhhhh." Doh.

But the thing is, in my 24 geekish heart of hearts, this is what I really want out of a 24 movie!

Dietcoke said...

I'd be up for an R rated 24. "I can find my own fucking job, thank you."

Adam said...

@BauerLuver- thank you! I recommend to anyone who's interested to do the same thing as you- watch the episode and then read my retro reviews. I'm really happy that you're enjoying them.

@Molly- Hehehe, so true, I've read and heard the same thing. But let's look at this for a sec- the brand name of the show is "24" but should that mean that anytime we see Jack in action, he'll be resolving threats within a 24 hour period (even a 2 hr movie that takes place over the course of 24 hrs)? Or should they open it up a bit and let Jack have a story take place over a week- traveling from one end of the globe to the other? The real-time format is shot out the window now that they're in movies, so I think they should give this idea some serious thought.

singingdoll said...

They could do some really cool things with the movie now that they are freed from the real-time format. That said... at some point in time, maybe further down the line... let's get the 24 hour film. Limited release, so all the diehard (no pun intended) Bauer fans have to get together to watch it.

Spencer said...

It just plain sucks that the movie can't be 24 hours long, but it can't happen, so why dwell on it.

I actually found about the 24/Die Hard movie idea today on a website I haven't looked at all month. Overall, it doesn't seem like a terrible idea, but...when we see 24, wouldn't we want it to be about Jack Bauer?

Also, am I the only one that's thinking that he should just die already? How can he possibly have a happy ending now? Just end the guy's misery, writers! The question is....what would be a statisfying way to kill him, if there is one?

Cirroc said...

....Cirroc now more frightened and confused than ever!!!.....Cirroc fears your new world of '24' movie will be produced by Rick Berman !!!!

Alex Getts said...

I actually didn't think Die Hard 24/7 sounded terrible, but I'd prefer Jack's own adventure, as opposed to a team up, however awesome it may be.

Still though, I can't see them doing the R-rated movie. I CAN see them doing a borderline PG-13 movie, and having PG-13 & Unrated versions when it comes out on DVD/Blu-Ray. My guess is that they'll go that way.

BauerLuver said...

My gosh, Kim is such an idiot. Honestly, half of jack's problems would be solved (especially in Season 1) if they just tied Kim to a chair and left her in a darkened locked room for the whole day. She's like what, fifteen? I'm younger than that and I have twice the sense of that girl (I hope it doesn't sound like I'm flattering myself, I don't mean to.) Seriously.

Dietcoke said...

Jack is the lone wolf and I don't want him teaming up with anyone other than Chloe.

Alex Getts said...

@Dietcoke - I agree. I just meant that the DH24/7 idea didn't sound horrible. Then again, it's not particularly good, either.....

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spencer said...

@Brittany-You mean shirtless? I've seen a lot of them. But for one, it's because.....most film writers are....guys?

Brian Pelts said...

Brittany, I'd like to introduce you to Ewan McGregor. ;)

(Seriously, the only thing they managed to do right in the Star Wars prequels was convincing him to keep it in his robes.)

Spencer said...

What does full frontal mean?

Adam said...

@Spencer- showing your Jack Sack.

Spencer said...

Oh, THAT. But those are NEVER in movies.

This is a problem with the movie industry. Breasts are so popular, that no one even tries to put some form of anyone's Renee wallet(I really thought about it, but I decided to stick with Renee wallet.)

Alright, alright, I'm done,

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian Pelts said...

Chalk another one up for moral ambiguity. My work is done.

Spencer said...

Arrrrrgh! I censored the word and everything! This is all you have to do, just meintion a woman's genital area, and everyone goes crazy and starts saying "um um um" they became retarded. Then, before you know it, riots begin, mobs form, and houses burn down while the entire world ends up being at war.

It's hysterical, honestly. Hysterical, and depressing. But life must go on. It kicks our asses tirelessly, but we must fight back with everything that we have. We can't let it beat us, dammit.

And Brittany- This is a 24 site. How kid-friendly are we expected to be?

Brian Pelts said...

Very fucking kid-friendly, that's how.

Spencer said...

Yeah, well, sue me.

Spencer said...

By the way, if you read you're sentence, you'll realise that you completely contradicted yourself. You see? There might be that 1% chance that an 8-year-old will look up "The Jack Sack" on the internet, but it's just not worth it. We're people, we talk like people.

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian Pelts said...

Brittany, you didn't take it in that direction; I did. :p

And yeah, I was being a right cheeky git with that last post.

Spencer said...

@Brian- Sorry man, my bad. I'm used to people being so serious and no fun at all, that a post like that could be perfectly acceptably serious.

@Brittany- I'm being serious when I say this. It's for your own mental health. It really is. I'm usually the one that's trying to talk about Renee wallet. It's healthy just to meintion it. It causes a stir 100% of the time, and that's why I hate having no take the burden of being the one to talk about it.

But for once, someone(who is you) gave me the open gate.(no pun intended)And trust me, if knew how grateful I was for that, you wouldn't feel guilty.

And there's only so much about we can discuss about this episode. At least I'm staying relevant to the show by saying "Renee wallet".

Brian Pelts said...

Yeah, only in our current Retroverse, there is no Renee. Or Chloe, for that matter. WHO CAN I LOVE?!?

Spencer said...

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm loving about a HUNDRED of these women.

Brittany said...

You can love JACK EFFING BAUER.

Or TONY EFFING ALMEIDA.

That's who. :)

(I wonder what all of the characters-to-be would've been doing in this Retroverse?)

P.S. "For your own mental health"? If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... ;)

Brian Pelts said...

Look, I love tactical expertise and soul patches as much as the next guy, but I don't swing that way, babycakes. ;)

Spencer said...

Goddamn man, Renee fucking Walker. I've never felt so much happiness from just LOOKING at another actress.

It's like, you look at this person, and everything's ok. Seriously. She must be a goddess of some sort.

brandon curtis said...

Nudity is always open for discussion. I mean who browses the internet (and more importantly, The Jack Sack) with their clothes on? Not me, not all of 'em at least.

Spencer said...

@brandon- No, we're actually supposed to stay on topic of whatever episode review we're commenting on. I just sometimes get a little explosive-ish and before ya know it, Renee wallet.

I think I'm unltimately going to be the downfall of this blog.

Brian Pelts said...

Bitch, please. David Fury will be the downfall of this blog.

Brittany said...

Yeah, we're doing a terrrrrrrrrrible job of keeping this retrospective. (And on topic.) I mean, no one can question our loyalty; but our contribution...well...that's another subject.
= ||

Spencer said...

Well, we all knew that things would get a little hectic and out of control once the series ended. It's natural to panic.

Adam said...

Sheesh, I leave you alone for a few days and look what you've done with the place!

But seriously, I love all of you.

I'm going to fire up the next episode in about an hr or so. Stay tuned...

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adam said...

No, I'm not mad at all. My main concern with comments is that everyone is respectful of one another. That's rule #1- always be nice. And you're all being very cool to each other, even if you're delving into some ridiculous territory. I'm not the "thought police"- but if people become offensive and/or hurtful, that's where I'll jump in. I've been reading everyone's comments as they've come in, I'm always watching this site (cue villainous laugh).

I appreciate the way you've all treated the group, so I've got nothing to complain about. Yes, this is a 24-centric blog, but that doesn't mean it can't be slightly absurd from time to time. You guys bring a lot of life to the proceedings. Thank you.

Adam said...

Now, as soon as the clothes come out of the dryer, I can finally sit down and watch 3AM-4AM and write my review... this may be a late night.

Spencer said...

@Adam- Appreciate your kindness, man. It's rare on websites. Of course, this is a 24 site, so I actually feel like part of my own kind now.

Alex Getts said...

I tend to lurk more often than post, but that might change a bit more since I'm coming to like a lot of you and your witticism, but I have to agree, it's nice to see blog owners not go ape when people go off topic.

Brittany said...

Creepy lurker.

Just kidding. Welcome, Al! (Alright, alright - Alex.)

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