Friday, September 24, 2010

24 Season 1: 12PM-1PM Outsourced Retro Review

Hey everyone, it's BauerLuver (no not my real name) picking up from Spencer's marvelous review. The following takes place between lunchtime and late lunch time. Events occur in fake time (jk).

That blasted car is on fire, and Gaines and his goons are yelling nonsense and running in various directions trying to accomplish something. Jack, the only one on this show with a healthy amount of common sense, drags that Rick kid into the forest, who apparently was shot in the arm making a get-away (like I care). He tells Jack "I'm slowing ya down" and Jack wittily responds "yeah you are, so speed it up, will ya?" I love Jack for saying things like that! Bet he was a basketball coach or something at Kim's high school! ("one more lap!" "NO PLEASE HAVE MERCY COACH BAUER!") Teri and that charming daughter of hers run in the woods, trying to get to some water tower, but the path is blocked and the only other way deviates from protocol (a.k.a. Jack's orders) but the girls decide it's worth the risk and take off into the forest, where the wild cougars roam, oh wait-

Anyway, back at the ranch (C.T.U.) Nina gets all worried that Jack's not answering his cell. She tells her latest conquest Tony about being a little "harsh" since this all got started. Tony responds "a little?" Too true Tony...I cant help but wonder what she's like out of the office! To bad this show only covers a day... And just when Nina starts saying something that I wanted to hear the answer to, Queen Green (Editor's note: That's an awesome nickname!!!) barges in and tells them to look in Grandma Jamie's dental records or something, and the two lovebirds go to do Her Majesty's bidding. Ah, the pleasures of the modern day office.

David and Mike sit in their limo, going on and on about Ferragamo's death. Mike wants the story stopped but David wants it  to be released (I think) so that he can control how it gets out. Nothing we don't already know.

Gaines calls the vampire dialect person, whose name is revealed to be Drazen. He proceeds to tell Daddy York that the only way they will live is by doing the will of these people, which begs the question "why?" Why would you choose to make millions assassinating black men and their defenders when you could get the money finding a cure for cancer, or benefiting the good of mankind? I don't get it, but that's just me. Jack performs a medical examination of Rick, who is just hunky-dory and guess what? The Bauer ladies are lost. Shocker.

Back at the Hilton Head campaign hotel, Sherry tries to get all "it's all for the greater good" on David. I must point out Penny Johnson Gerald's acting because it is excellent, and well as Dennis Haysbert's. Yet, he doesn't give in, not yet, and I am left to ponder how on earth this perfect couple is dissolving like like a bug in a Venus fly trap. (sorry that was a gross analogy). Moving on...

Jack calls CTU for back up and then proceeds to give a little life lesson to Rick, probably just to shut him up from droning "I didn't know any of this was gonna happen..." yeah, ok we get it, kid. You've only told us twenty times. Jack then proceeds to get his gun, and scour the forest for Teri and Kim, who, meanwhile, take shelter in a run-down shack. Just when Suzuki is about to blow them into next Wednesday, Jack moves from behind and takes the baddies down in true Bauer fashion. Oh, and Teri keeps having those weird stomach problems. Probably ate a bad eggplant or something.

Tony and Nina then take it upon themselves to interrogate Mrs. Vaseline, or whatever her name is. She's Jamey's mom, and after Tony gets all "yer daughters a traitor" on her, she weepily confesses that Jamey gave her large deposits on her bank account. The person I really feel sorry for is Kyle because everyone uses mentions of him to get Jamey's info! Poor kid.

Mike is so sick of hearing the Keith murder story that David goes over to Moreen Kingsley's hotel room to yammer on about it there. But guess what? Carl's minions are threatening her too, so she's left the network. So much for that. Sorry David, and sorry Mike.

After Gaines throws a mini temper tantrum, Tony and Nina have a little lunch date working on Grandma Vaseline's their computer. Seriously, my mom always tells me never to eat by the computer, and government agents get to? The Cubs Mug also agrees with me, as it was seen holding a little vitamin water. Bon appetite.

Jack, Teri, and Kim find themselves surrounded by sniper rifles, so Jack decides to go turn himself in to Gaines, who "wants" him. He's not the ooonly one... oh wait, that's a little inappropriate...
Jack goes running into the woods, taking shots like Lindsey Lohan at a Christmas party. He also slides down leaves. Uber cool! (Editor's note: Hey! We've all got problems... Jack and Lohan more than the average person, but it's a fine line between being a responsible citizen and doing lines of ya-yo off the back of a donkey in Tiajuana!)

David Palmer is visited by none other than Carl, who has that perpetual weird smile on his face. He proceeds to tell David after being pressed against a wall that if David goes forth with the story, he will twist the story around to make it look like Keith was behind Ferragamo's death. Wait, I'm confused- there are to many people blackmailing other people! And speaking of people, who are these "people" Carl keeps referring to, and how did they get all this power? I Like Mike comes in to tell David that the DA is waiting to hear what's wrong, but David changes his mind. "I'm running for president," he says. "And I'm going to win."

Finally, that backup has arrived to pick up the girls in a chopper, but not before Kim makes the stupidest move ever and runs back into the woods to find Rick. Rick, meanwhile, got to the road and hopped on a bus to nowheresville. Will these people ever learn?

Jack has finally found Gaines and even offered to protect him, but he disagrees and tries to pull a quick one on Jack. Jack, of course, is way better than this and kills Gaines. The head banana is dead, or is he? Before he died, Gaines confesses something about Belgrade. Might this be a new lead?

And finally, after thirteen hellish hours, Jack and his family are safe and sound on a chopper to CTU. The Sean Callerey music is ablaze as the "choppah" (Editor's note:GET TO THE CHOPPPAH!!!! I love it!) whisks them into a blissful reunion in the sky. But wait...this isn't over yet, because a SECOND hitter on Palmer just came from Transylvania- I mean Yugoslavia, to do more evil terrorist things. All is good in the world of 24...for now.

Overall, I thought this episode was very much like the last, but still pretty good. I'm just glad that his family is rescued so we can move on to bigger and better things. Like this new baddie. I hope everyone enjoyed the review, and thanks to Adam for giving me this awesome opportunity to review television (something I've never done before) and above all, running this incredible blog! (

(Editor's note: Thank you for a fantastic review- I really enjoyed reading this, BL!)


Spencer said...

Awesome review, BauerLuver. I particuarly thought that Lindsey Lohan joke was funny. Good job!

And Alex, I think you said that you've already finished your review of episode 14, but I think that we should give BauerLuver a few days, or if not that, then at least about a day and a half to be the center of attention, but it's up to you and Adam.

BauerLuver said...

Aww, shucks, that's nice Spencer. But I don't really care how much time I get in the lime-light, because I am really itchin' to find out about the second hitter!!

Alex Getts — Art & Illustration said...

Oh, I'm not worried about getting my review up in a hurry. It was more of a "it's in and in the pipeline" thing, not a "let's blast that sucker up." You and BauerLuver did great jobs with your reviews, they deserve to be up for a bit. I have no say on when it goes up, but if I did, my complete advocation would be to let BauerLuver's stand for at least as long as yours did. I'm enjoying these outsourced reviews very much, it's a blast seeing everyone's take on them.

While we're here, though, I've duly noted that both Spencer and BauerLuver have included a note on the episode prior to their actual review. I did *not* do that. Adam, is this something you'd like me to e-mail you as an amendment to my review?

Alex Getts — Art & Illustration said...

As for the actual review:

"Jack goes running into the woods, taking shots like Lindsey Lohan at a Christmas party." Brilliance right there.

And I, too, really liked Queen Green! This is really good work!

Alex Getts — Art & Illustration said...

"Jack has finally found Gaines and even offered to protect him, but he disagrees and tries to pull a quick one on Jack. Jack, of course, is way better than this and kills Gaines."

Jack cut down Gaines quicker than Sesame Street cut Katy Perry.

TheJackSack said...

@Alex- adding a greeting is up to you- I'm content either way. If you want to give me additional copy, feel free to send it over and I'll make sure it's part of your review.

And yes, BL's review will get the spotlight for a few days- well-deserved.

BauerLuver said...

Thanks so much for the praise guys!! Really great idea, Alex. I'm looking forward to your review!! Does anybody think that perhaps Jamie wasn't the only mole?? I have this suspicion that there's another, and it's probably Tony!!

Spencer said...

Ira Gaines is in the movie Seven.

Dietcoke said...

Excellent review and I literally laughed-out-loud at the Lindsey Lohan reference.

For me, this was a story arc ending episode and now we are off to experience Jack's NEXT trouble.

Is it just me, or does Jack seem like such a different character back in season one vs. who he became in the later seasons? I think Howard Gordon had a very different take on Jack.

Jack in the earlier seasons seemed like a good guy who sometimes did bad things and in the later seasons he became more of an antihero. Even Kiefer in an interview after season 8 referred to Jack as an antihero.

Rewatching season one, I wouldn't think of Jack as an antihero but rather a self-sacrificing patriot who did things out of desperation and anger management issues. I found Jack more likeable in the earlier season vs. the later ones. Anyone else feel that way? I have some friends who feel quite the opposite and liked Jack better in the later seasons.

Dietcoke said...

BauerLover, yes I KNEW there was another mole...there HAD to be...and it was either Tony or George.

Rewatching season one reminds me how blown away I was by this show. I NEVER knew what was coming. In the later seasons I would try to guess who was the mole and who was going to die.

BauerLuver said...

I agree, Dietcoke. Jack is always a more likeable guy when he's good than when he's doing stuff morally questionable. And the audience has a better connection, because we are rooting for Jack and want him to win, instead of us trying to get excited when he goes out to wreck havoc.

Sally Jo said...

This has nothing to do with the post, but I saw something interesting in the news today. A Muslim group was taken through a counter terrorism facility and in the photo, it looks a lot like CTU season 5. Think they watched the show?

BauerLuver said...

No, otherwise they'de know what not to do! :D But its good they got those guys.

BauerLuver said...

Hey, we getting another review tonight? Hope so!

TheJackSack said...

Alex's review is coming tomorrow :)

BauerLuver said...

Sounds good!! I'll be waiting!!

Spencer said...

Looking forward to it.

Alex Getts — Art & Illustration said...

Cool! And sorry, Adam, I never got back to you about amending my review with a preface. Things have been busy here, but I think it'll be fine without one. If anyone needs one here you go:

"Hi, I'm Alex. I got to review Episode 1:00 - 2:00 P.M. Here's what I thought."

Great reviews thus far, I really hope to live up to what Spencer and BauerLuver have done, and what comes after. :)

BauerLuver said...

Speaking of after, whose doing the review after Alex? Anybody wanna volunteer?

Spencer said...


BauerLuver said...

Cool!! I feel like a broken record, but I can't wait for the new review... I might start watching the episode now.

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