Now, I know there are some of you that like the furry, red crackhead. And you're probably the same person that thinks his incessant high-pitched talking is cute. Yeah. Elmo is to me what Mary Hart was to Kramer on "Seinfeld." I have a furious, uncontrollable dislike of the guy. Anytime I hear Elmo do anything (he mostly laughs like a drunk senior citizen) I want to strangle kittens. Baskets full of kittens.Well, I have to say that Elmo's "creator," Kevin Clash, has shrewdly established a bullet-proof empire. Elmo appears on talk shows, news programs and he even testified before Congress on funding music-based programs. That's right, a red-haired muppet went to Congress. And he gave sworn testimony. You know, about 50-plus years ago, the House Un-American Activities Committee would have had a field day with Elmo. And J. Edgar Hoover would have a file thicker than the phone book on him too. Imagine the proceedings:
CONGRESSMAN: Elmo, if that's your *real* name-- are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
ELMO: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh BOY! HAHAHAHAHAH! Elmo loves Congress!
CONGRESSMAN: Lock this red bastard up and throw away the key!
And sadly, Elmo was more truthful and respectable than that multiple Cy Young-winning "juicehead" Roger Clemens. Think about that for a second. (pause) My mind cannot wrap itself around this world anymore. Have a good week.
